Sonya: Hi Vineeto,
Thanks for attaching Richard’s correspondence. It’s one of my favourites to read and have visited it quite a few times.
Hi Sonya,
I am delighted to hear it’s one of your favourites of Richard’s quotes. Sexual congress is the best way to explore intimacy, especially when the interest lies more with intimacy than anything else. But intimacy can be experienced at any time with another human being depending on your willingness be as intimate and sincere as possible and being aware when ‘self’-preservation is about to interrupt/ prevent the intimate being together.
In this (and the follow-up) correspondence Richard talks about possible reasons for one or the other partner to pull back/ shut off –
Respondent: If you will indulge my question: is it possible still to have actual intimacy, even if the partner (man/ woman) is evidently inhibited by self and survival instincts?
Richard: Actual intimacy – no separation (no separative self whatsoever) cannot wax and wane/ come and go/ switch on and off here in this actual world (the world of the senses). Upon an actual freedom from the human condition an actual intimacy is the norm with every body and every thing regardless of whatever their or its current situation and circumstances might be.
(Some peoples have looked at me blankly upon being informed there is an actual intimacy with, say, an ashtray or a polystyrene cup or a pebble or whatever).
In terms of human sexuality, and due to its utter proximity, sexual congress sans identity/ affections is the exquisite experience of two flesh and blood bodies sensuously delighting in being sensually and sexually aroused.
(As there are no identities in actuality I actually interact only with flesh and blood bodies; at times this can be quite disconcerting, to say the least, for any identity feeling itself to be other than illusory).
Because it can take an incredible amount of willpower for a pulled-back or turned-away or closed-off or shut-down identity to override (psychosomatically) its bodily arousal, its body’s natural sexuality, the body’s sensual delight, that exquisite experience can continue until such over-riding succeeds in its quite perverse anti-intimacy aim and arousal diminishes, sexuality declines and sensual delight falls away to nought.
In short: although reciprocity is never needed there is, of course, a preference for sexual enjoyment and appreciation be mutual. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 Nov 2009).
Sonya: It comes at quite a convenient time as I feel I have lost this naiveté lately. Without going too much into detail, I recently had a colposcopy which involved 2 cervical biopsies. There’s a complicated mix of feelings going on at the moment which don’t allow for any kind of sexual intimacy from me.
Mmh, the fact that you had “a colposcopy which involved 2 cervical biopsies” does in itself not need to interfere with naiveté, except when it’s accompanied by worry or similar feelings. It’s often the imagination, what could be wrong or what could happen, which suddenly makes life serious again … until you recognize with confidence and can acknowledge that all worries about future events are a waste of valuable time in which you could enjoy and appreciate life. Once you have definite results and facts from your tests then you can decide on the most sensible action without worry.
Wouldn’t it be the best way to be kind to yourself, to untangle the “complicated mix of feelings”, get back to feeling good, better and even excellent and enjoy the intimacy which is possible at this point? The challenge of feeling good come what may is, whatever the physical/ practical situation, to recognize that it is not worthy as a justification of feeling less than good. You have overcome other challenges to feeling good, why not this one too?
Sonya: It’s nice to read Richard’s correspondence right now. (link)
Here is another quote you might enjoy –
Richard: Anyway, what I am finally succeeding in doing is seducing some of my fellow humans – those who have not lost the plot totally – to come out and play, now, as we are all but a missed heartbeat or two away from physical death each day again. Being retired, with more than sufficient means for the rest of my life, is nowadays to my advantage, of course, yet there is simply no reason at all why gainful employment need be anything other than fun.
For instance, all my best work (back when supporting both a wife and a family) always happened when I was having the most fun; in fact I have some very blurry black and white ‘home movie’ type footage of myself, circa March 1981, which ends with ‘me’ saying: ‘Do your own thing … but have fun; if you’re not having fun then, hell, stop doing it, something is wrong; if you’re not having fun, if you have to force yourself to go to work, if you’re unhappy, something is wrong’. Within weeks ‘he’ was carted off to a hospital emergency care unit in a catatonic state and … and here we are today having this illuminating chat about our fancy dreams.
Who else can be enticed to come out and play – to join me here in this actual world – and live life where all is fun yet where everything which needs to be done does get done (albeit playfully) because of those oh-so-vital adult sensibilities?
‘Tis yours for the asking, so to speak, as no one is stopping you but yourself; no time is the right time to make it all happen as the right time only comes about when you have it happen; it is not a case of being ready for it as being ready only occurs when you have it occur; all you get by waiting is more waiting as now is the moment where it all happens; everything which happens only ever happens now.
Actuality is where more than your fancy dreams can come true – much, much more – as life itself, here, is beyond even any of your most absolutely wild fantasies.
This is what is actually better than best. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 14 Dec 2009).
Best wishes for success in regaining your naiveté.
Cheers Vineeto