Hi Claudiu,
Yes I can certainly see why Vineeto would write what she did given what I described. I think all I can say is that nothing will happen without ‘my’ full concurrence, that is clear. And so how I experience it is that I am indeed consistently chipping away and then every now and then (such as 7 days ago) a big chunk will fall off and then I find myself in new and unprecedented territory (for me). And then some time down the line when the dust settles I notice - from this new territory - that not all of ‘me’ is on board, yet.
And following my nose I know that were I to push from this place it would only be another facade or more forcing, so instead I allow whatever parts of ‘me’ which cannot yet give full concurrence to surface naturally and gently attend to those. And in that sense what has happened since that post 7 days ago I experience to be still proceeding in the right direction, I could not say that anything has been derailed or that I have turned around etc.
In short I am no longer willing to wander off the wide and wondrous path because my apparent location on some overall map says I should, only to get stuck in the “woods nearby” again. I have done enough of that already, it would be silly of me to do that in fact. Equally I am no longer able to believe that throwing a “Hail Mary” will accomplish anything productive. I appreciate that Vineeto’s suggestion to “put all eggs in one basket” is neither about following a map nor throwing a Hail Mary, but what it is suggesting I cannot sincerely carry out right now.
Which the above has now nicely segued into what I wanted to reply to Vineeto’s post…
Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for sharing those quotes, I found them very spot on. Srinath’s description of having to find his own way without forcing or following in others maps and Geoffrey’s descriptions of ceasing to engage in the ‘adventures’ in ‘his’ territory and of shedding the ‘luggage’. This is very much what I am trying to describe when I say the focus has been on taking only genuine steps. And indeed I find that a lot of ‘actualist luggage’ has been left behind now. There was the belief in authority, there was the following of maps, there was the throwing of Hail Marys. And now that I have gone down those routes and found them to be a dead end I am only left at proceeding in a way that is sincere, I don’t think I could engage in those things now even if I wanted to. And now I find all I can do is slowly but surely gather all of ‘me’ whilst keeping ‘my’ sights on the end goal. Well it’s not like the “slowly” is a condition now, sometimes a big step will happen all of a sudden, but ‘I’ can’t force it.