Hi Vineeto,
Yes in fact I have! I was just observing this yesterday. ‘I’ have changed recently, actually this quote from Richard’s journal describes the change quite well :
Article 4 :
“Pure intent produces total dedication. It is experienced as an irresistible enticement. It makes it impossible not to do what is required, or to sweep an issue under the carpet, or to let sleeping dogs lie, or to continue to conform to the long-failed dictates of the status-quo. One finds oneself unable to neglect, or fail to care for, oneself or the other … or for the plants, if they need tending. One cannot ignore their plight. This glorious garden is a clearly visible example of how one can operate with oneself and another.”
I found something like a softness/tenderness in ‘me’ as well as a growing appreciation, especially with regards to people, which is where ‘I’ always struggled in the past. Actually it’s a very lovely change, it’s something deep in ‘me’ that has shifted and a certain severity and solemnity is being replaced with something more tender and sweet. It’s nice to be nice, to be liking and likeable.
And I was thinking yesterday why this change, is it that with what those moments of apperception show it is then impossible to go back to how ‘I’ was, that it is impossible not to appreciate and enjoy when it has been seen just how precious being alive is.
But yes as you say “When ‘I’ return, as ‘I’ frequently do” - this is indeed happening. Yesterday after ‘I’ came back ‘I’ attempted to rush the process forward by going back to ‘doing’ and then basically some hours later I realised that this is a complete dead end. It’s forgetting that those moments of apperception happened precisely because ‘I’ got out of the way.
Actually it’s cool because (to use Geoffreys words) before ‘I’ tried to grasp the process the '“doorway” seemed to be indeed as big as the universe and then later once ‘I’ grasped it it became exactly “small and vanishing”.