There is this other fascinating thing going on today, it reminds me of what Richard wrote (to paraphrase) - there is a sensation of ‘me’ not having happened yet. And in that moment I see something quite bizarre (not in a bad way at all though), that ‘my’ life has been as if this parallel happening, that it has nothing at all to do with what is actual, it never did. That upon ‘my’ dissolution the various particulars of the story of ‘my’ life will become as meaningless as the various dramas which I have so far resolved.
And in that experience there is something like a sense of sweet release, that a world exists (and has done all this time) where none of ‘my’ dramas has ever touched upon. That in the final analysis it was as Richard wrote - ““all a play in emotive imaginative thought … an errant and vainglorious brain-pattern”.
It means that none of ‘my’ dramas will ever carry through to actuality, they could not, which is actually a very wonderful thing. I see why pride had to go to allow such a thing tho haha!