Kub933's Journal

[Vineeto]

@Kub933

Hi Vineeto,

@Vineeto

Is this “powerful passionate “call to action”” possibly the controller stepping in and staging a fake immolation to stay in existence?

I think this is indeed the case, plus it has happened enough times in the past with no results, so something is certainly fishy.

@Vineeto

Can you tell if the way you experience its flavour is similar to experiencing pure intent such as a sweet longing?

Can you utilise this “powerful passionate” energy to have sexual intimacy with gay abandon, giving yourself completely to your life-partner?

Again I would answer with a solid NO to both questions, it’s more dramatic rather than the flavour of a sweet longing/gay abandon.

But this just reminded me of something, I have written about this before. That when I first began with actualism, it took me about 6 months to have my first PCE as an actualist. But many times prior to that I would come close and as soon as the flavour of actuality was experienced I would also go into this same kind of dramatic response, and it would prevent the PCE each time. I remember at the time it was Claudiu that gave me some advice and said that he also experienced something similar after his spiritual years. Essentially it took for me to become aware of that pattern and then next time somewhat ‘chill out’ and then the PCE did happen shortly after.

It’s weird too because my first PCE (before actualism) devolved into a powerful ASC, and I wondered then if that was almost like I was habitually diverting the PCE into what was more accessible/relatable via ‘my’ affective memory, essentially making it a passionate affair. Experientially it was like as soon as I got close to a PCE ‘I’ began passionately screaming “yes this is what ‘I’ want” and this scream would stop the PCE in it’s tracks. Then afterwards I would be left with this quite heavy affective aftermath, like what one feels after a dangerous situation or a big cry.

And this passionate response I am describing here is essentially there same thing. It seems pretty clear that it is a diversion.

Oh you know what, it is almost like ‘I’ am still habitually looking for a moment of Realisation, just like ‘I’ habitually felt a PCE would be back then. It was only when ‘I’ chilled out that ‘I’ could allow the PCE to happen via ‘my’ abeyance. It’s like back then ‘I’ associated these affective fireworks - which happened when the PCE had already devolved into an ASC - with the PCE itself, and so the second that the PCE hove into view ‘I’ was already on the trigger for those fireworks. What is going on now is essentially that. (link)

Hi Kuba,

I have been thinking about those “powerful passionate “call to action”” attacks, and it occurred to me that there is a remnant resistance to a full agreement to ‘self’-immolation, given that you concluded that they are a diversion.

So when you find this cause of resistance, it’s time to negotiate – not in terms of making a compromise, but to listen to whatever objection there is and negotiate until all of you realise and acquiesce – to quote Geoffrey –

“that I would indeed gladly die right now, gladly give away all I am, all I ever was, all I’ve done and felt since I was born, for peace-on-earth to be apparent (not even for me but) for everybody. For things to be as they are. And that it would be of no importance at all. No ‘weight’, no drama… just the only thing that made sense, the only sensible thing.” (Geoffrey’s report of becoming free)

It fits well with your recent great post that being naiveté is contagiously affecting people and that “it does actually make sense to me, that the way to peace on earth is to be having fun being alive.” (link)

Cheers Vineeto