Hi Vineeto,
I very much appreciate you helping me explore and understand what is going on.
This is now getting to the very nitty-gritty of ‘me’, interesting that you also saw the link to the high achiever and the rest of it, I thought the same thing yesterday when writing the post. For some history of me… I was born premature and caught a chest infection immediately after birth, from what I am told I was on the verge of not making it for the first couple of weeks of my life! When I was well enough to be taken home my mother took a particularly nurturing approach towards me (understandably), she even breast fed me up to some rather ridiculous age, I think 6 or something, I slept in bed with her rather than on my own etc. And indeed we had a very tight bond, I do remember this from my younger years, it seems through this bond her psychological and psychic make up imprinted onto mine, and she was back then anxious, stressful and volatile far beyond what is called ‘normal’. At the same time though she held this notion that I was special, that I could do no wrong. We often joke about this with Sonya, that I could go rob a bank tomorrow and she would go round telling people what an enterprising young man I am. So what you called the “internal mother” this is actually a very core aspect of the persona that I am. And I am now becoming aware of just how much of my psychological and psychic make up I inherited from her, gosh I don’t even think I could distinguish between ‘me’ and the ‘internal mother’.
Yes you really hit the nail on the head, thank you! I do live by this intrinsic command that I must be perfect at all times and in all situations. And in a way it reminds me of what Felix has described of himself on the forum, it’s taking this corrupted perfectionism and turning it onto actualism. But you see this is all currently muddled up for me, because in actualism I am seeking to evince perfection, as experienced in the PCE. I wish I had a different word for it, to distinguish between that perfectionism of the ‘internal mother’ and the perfection which I am looking to evince as an actualist. Perhaps it’s clear enough to distinguish between actual perfection and moral perfection? But then again Richard wrote that his responses are impeccable at all times, although I know this does not mean that he was immune to error…
So you see this is all muddled up for me currently, this ‘corrupted perfectionism’ is somehow tangled up with my goal as an actualist, which is to evince perfection and to eliminate any ‘dirt’.
To add some more context to the above. On Tuesday I was asked to teach a BJJ class for a university club. The class was so busy that it was almost impossible for the participants to get any productive work done as they had no space. On the other hand I was acutely aware of the fact that I was there as some “big shot”, during the introductions my accolades were presented by the host etc. Really I was kind of uncomfortable with it all, I do like to relate to others as fellow human beings without all that other fluff… And yet at the same time I was kicking myself after the session finished because I had this acute feeling of having let them down, mostly because there was no space to get any productive work done, but I am sure that even if there was I would have found some fault with what I did, it would not have been ‘perfect’.
I think this is a good example of the kind of internal conflict which happens because of this 'corrupted perfectionism’.
Hmm what I can make of it so far is that this ‘corrupted perfectionism’ is all to do with what Geoffrey called the “mirror of others”, the ‘perfection’ is dictated by how others see me, how well I match the image that I believe they have of me. But then do they actually hold this image of me? Or do I project it onto them first 
Actual perfection does not need any maintaining or reinforcing, that is clear in the PCE, hence why it is so freeing, no burden anymore, no persona to uphold, no boxes to tick in order to earn a feeling of perfection, and there I can be a fellow human being - what I want.
But this commandment for perfectionism it has been easing up since yesterday, as in I can now taste the flavour of the place outside of it, what it is like to live without it. I remember in the past my main problem with descriptions of actual freedom was that one could apparently sit and do nothing and be having the time of one’s life, oh how this rubbed me the wrong way! 
How could I no longer be busy proving something each moment again!? And then yesterday for the first time in a long time I happily played a cool xbox game on a school night, and I had a lot of fun, and it was not seen in the framework of “wasting time” or anything of the kind. It was like I located a solid foundation which did not require the approval of others to maintain, which means that all this other activity (of maintaining ‘myself’ via the approval of others) was no longer needed, and I could indeed be “doing nothing” and having a blast. It’s a very charming place to be in, to have nothing left to prove and yet to be free to engage in all sorts of fascinating things.
Ah that “solid foundation” I found is naiveté, how sweet! It is the place before ‘I’ became a social identity. It’s where ‘I’ am free to enjoy and appreciate without the obligation to fulfil various oaths, where ‘I’ no longer need to maintain ‘myself’ through that “mirror of others”.