In the words of my favourite YouTube content creator - “who let me have this much fun?!” 
. It’s so great to proceed now as a bona fide actualist, patiently dismantling whatever stands in the way of ongoing enjoyment and appreciation, it is indeed the “best game in town”. It is not about the investigation as an end in itself, it is that with each belief dismantled, with each habitual pattern left behind etc there is a palpable increase in happiness and harmlessness. Any genuine change ‘I’ get for keeps, the dividends are paid each moment again. I was thinking this when I was walking to the shops the other day, that it’s cool to develop a new skill in BJJ however the dividends are only paid when I go to practice BJJ, actualism is even better than that, any genuine change I benefit from each moment again for the rest of my life.
Yesterday after uncovering resentment I had big cry in the car when driving to train, it was like the dam broke. It was something like “what the hell have I been doing (‘being’) all this time”. This resentment was like a blanket of bitterness that covered all of ‘me’ and yet somehow “from the inside” it remained unseen. Then the blanket was removed and ‘I’ came face to face with the consequences of it, just what it had been doing al this time. How it got in the way of peace and intimacy between me and my fellow human beings. And there was this “call for action” in that experience, this intense yearning to set things right, which it was clear that this ultimately requires for ‘me’ to sacrifice ‘myself’. It was very clear that altruistic self-immolation is nothing at all like ‘me’ uncovering a belief or acknowledging something intellectually etc. What it takes for ‘me’ to altruistically sacrifice ‘myself’ is an even more powerful energy than ‘my’ selfism and it is sourced in an enormous caring and daring, it’s the entirety of ‘my’ being willing to go into extinction now, to set things right once and for all. I saw that this is the only way to ultimately “make those tears count”. Of course in the meantime I do exactly what I am doing, which is to proceed down the wide and wondrous path, both for the immediate benefit and eventually the ultimate benefit.