I have this memory from childhood, I was probably 8 or so, and I was getting up for school. I remember it very clearly as the earliest memory of or perhaps even the very formation of ‘my’ resentment. I remember the heaviness that I experienced, to be expected to get up at a time I did not want to and to go to spend a day somewhere I didn’t want to be, doing things I did not want to, with people I did not want to be around, and yet get up I had to! 
It was a very specific feeling which I know well, this sense of having to forcefully overcome this sense of inertia, fighting against something so heavy, with the entirety of ‘my’ being resisting and yet having to comply.
As far as I can see this is the very birth of ‘me’ as the ‘do-er’ of deeds, an entity under the control of a social identity. I could no longer be a kid but rather I was now forced to comply to the various tenets of society, indiscriminately. And I have lived as this ‘do-er’ since, heaving that load each day, in resentment.
I write this specifically because this morning it was like the bright light of awareness was penetrating into the very roots of this ‘do-er’ to see what ‘he’ consists of. And as the ‘do-er’ this resentment is ‘my’ primary flavour, the resentment is what keeps ‘me’ as the ‘do-er’ going, and what a tangled web ‘I’ have weaved for ‘myself’ since. And as that bright light of awareness was penetrating to the very root of the ‘do-er’ there was something underneath, but first the ‘do-er’ had to become “untangled”.
This sense of the ‘do-er’ being “untangled” was fascinating to observe, because it means that this “inertia” ‘I’ have been painfully overcoming was actually of ‘my’ own making! Essentially as the ‘do-er’ ‘I’ have been forcefully overcoming ‘my’ own resentment - that is what the ‘doing’ is all about. And so seeing that all this activity of the ‘do-er’ was not only painful but unnecessary there was a glimpse of what is underneath that, or perhaps what existed before that, which is naivete - where there is no “heavy lifting”, it is before all the “heavy lifting” of the ‘do-er’ - a different way of ‘being’.
What really stood out is just how different of a way of ‘being’ it is, it is not just a surface level change, this is dissolving something that ‘I’ have lived for perhaps 24 years and re-discovering something that was underneath it / before it. It really stood out to me that there is such radical change that can happen even before self-immolation. It makes the point for what has been discussed on this forum recently, that actualism is not merely a fanciful change in appearance, it is willingly exposing ‘my’ very hiding place and dissolving all which stands in the way of enjoyment and appreciation. This leads to actual change, not merely a new set of beliefs whilst ‘I’ remain statically the same.