Richard:
To live a virtual freedom one knowingly and deliberately imitates the actual inasmuch as is possible given that one is still human. It is the pure intent to ingenuously live the actual that imbues virtual freedom with its feeling of perfection and subsequent delight and joy. To be without this connection betwixt naiveté‚ and the perfection of the infinitude of this very material universe, then any freedom loses its dynamism, its lustre, its brilliance, its vivacity … its very here and now aliveness.
It is precisely this “dynamism” which is allowed when ‘I’ “leave the keys behind”. I wrote yesterday that this action is extreme for one could be inviting something else but actually I am certain that there is no danger here in terms of going off the rails in any kind of way.
The way Richard describes it above is exactly what I have found, that when ‘I’ am living ‘my’ life as the ‘do-er’ this “dynamism” is no more and it’s like a crucial ingredient has been taken away, nothing that ‘I’ can do can make up for it’s lack.
This is precisely what I mean that there is nothing attractive about the prospect of ‘me’ living ‘my’ life, because in that place the “dynamism” is lacking. It’s somewhat like living out a “Groundhog Day” over and over.
And then when the “dynamism” is active I could be doing anything at all and there is exactly this lustre, brilliance, vivacity, the very here and now aliveness. It transforms life into a wondrous adventure which could never ever get boring, it is experiencing life as if a child again. As the ‘do-er’ ‘my’ life is static and as the ‘be-er’ this moment is dynamic.
The trick is that ‘my’ life, which exists across the past-present-future with it’s various plans, schemes etc This can never be made dynamic, it is this moment which is dynamic. To allow the “dynamism” is to abandon ‘my’ life.
The other fascinating thing which I experienced yesterday when contemplating all this is that this moment is eternal whereas ‘my’ life has periodicity. ‘My’ life exists across the past-present-future, there is always a distance to travel from now to then, from here to there etc, this is actually very painful, it’s only experienced just how painful this is when it stops.
It’s weird because in the past when I read “enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive” it seemed like this moment was something fleeting, at times so very fleeting… But actually it is the present which is fleeting, this moment is eternal, it has no periodicity, no distance to travel between now and then. And last night I experienced exactly this, that daring to give up ‘my’ life is to no longer exist in this periodicity and instead to find oneself in this moment which is eternal, this is such an incredible freedom, to arrive before one starts, to no longer travel that painful psychological/psychic distance.