Srid: I had an opportunity to put Grace’s scale in practice back in November but (contrary to my confident expectations at start) I failed miserably at it, because I was so oblivious to my ‘bifurcation points’.
Although I wasn’t particularly attracted to her in the beginning … over time, several brief ‘physical sparks’ (which is just raw sexual arousal) would happen and I developed a seeking [desire] to make them permanent … which then, over weeks, segued into latching onto the euphoria associated with love (and this is what I think Richard refers to by “love and its affectuous intimacy”; also see his correspondence with Tarin). So yea, I think there are micro-bifurcations/ miniscule-bifurcations (libido) happening well before the euphoria of love comes into picture.
Not that one can “decline” libido as a feeling-being (not possible). So, I wonder how one would “handle” it? How does naiveté come into picture here? How does this all translate to actual experience between a man and a woman? (link)
Hi Srid,
As you say that you “developed a seeking [desire] to make them permanent” I would not call this merely a “miniscule-bifurcation” but the major reason why it slipped in unnoticed in the first place despite your best intentions. Again, it is the hope I wrote to Kuba about (link) which, unrecognized at the start, spoils the possible intimacy because, when hope is present ‘I’ am taking centre stage. Hence your best option is become aware of and fully acknowledge the hopeful expectation. It is far more than just “libido” or a minor slip-up. At the start of a new acquaintance-ship it is more often than not an occasion for all the hopes and dreams to slowly come to the surface, which now gives you the opportunity to examine those ‘good’ feelings of hopes and dreams as they unfold. Don’t let the expectation or ambition of quickly establishing grades of intimacy interfere with acknowledging the feelings which occur. Those investigations are all part and parcel of recognizing and dismantling the obstacles to less ‘self’-centric closeness. Nothing, but nothing can be swept under the carpet, or else it will crop up sooner or later –
Richard: It is the quality of pure intent which pulls one forward with impunity … pure intent transforms into action one’s determination to live a life full of gladness, peace and harmony with oneself, with a person of the other gender, and with all peoples. Pure intent produces total dedication – it is experienced as an irresistible enticement – and it makes it impossible not to do what is required (or to sweep an issue under the carpet and to let sleeping dogs lie) and to continue to conform to the long-failed dictates of the status-quo. Pure intent is not to be confused with being a ‘do-gooder’, or being full of ‘righteousness’, or being ‘moralistic’ or being ‘principled’. Pure intent is the quality that encompasses what morals and ethics aspire to but never reach. (Richard, List AF, Alan-a, 16 Sep 1999).
The way “naiveté come[s] into picture” is that with sincerity and naiveté you apply no moral or ethical or ‘actualistic’ judgements as to what feeling is occurring and therefore can apply unrestricted attentiveness –
Richard: All affective feelings are – quite simply – an hereditary occurrence, an inborn factor to be acutely aware of. No pride, no shame, nothing personal at stake … what is there, is naturally there. There is no clinging to the affectionate and desirable emotions and passions (those that are loving and trusting) and no fleeing from the hostile and invidious, either (those that are hateful and fearful). A contemplative attention views all feelings as commensurate – nothing is suppressed and nothing is expressed – as attentiveness does not play favourites.
Attentiveness gets not infatuated with the good feelings nor sidesteps the bad as attentiveness is a non-feeling awareness; a sensuous attention. Attentiveness is not sentimental susceptibility for it does not get involved with affection or empathy or get hung up on mercurial imaginations and capricious intuitions or ephemeral auguries. Attentiveness does not register feelings and compare the validity of experience according to it ‘feeling right’ or ‘feeling wrong’. Attentiveness is an aesthetic alertness that takes place with minimised reference to self. With attentiveness one sees the internal world with blameless references to concepts like ‘my’ or ‘mine’. (Richard, Articles, Attentiveness, Sensuousness, Apperceptiveness).
Cheers Vineeto