Kuba: So what I can see already is that all this what I am focusing on now is about increasing my affective set point, and I can see that I have been approaching this the wrong way around in the past.
Effectively I can see that there is no pushing required, hence the advice has always been to return to feeling good. It is when feeling good takes care of itself due to habituation that “something more” hoves into view. But if that “something more” is not in view, it’s probably because feeling good is not even habituated yet. And this is where the various excursions would normally begin to take place.
Hi Kuba,
When you say feeling good is not habituated yet that may well be that there is something brewing in the background which you haven’t acknowledged/ identified yet. For instance –
Respondent: Now coming to the method. I tried asking ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive’. Most of the time I get the answer ‘happy’, or when I stress upon ‘this moment’, I get blank with no answer, because in this moment there is no feeling. The feeling is only in the moment just passed by. But still ‘I’ do not have that experience all the time. Because ‘I’ is the heap of all the passed moments!
‘Vineeto’: I found that the interesting thing started when I got the answer ‘not happy’ or ‘no feeling’. I knew then I had something to look at. Upon closer look I always found a lurking feeling or fear disguised as ‘no feeling’ – the cunning entity inventing whatever trick to keep me from exposing it. It takes a lot of persistence, bloody-mindedness and ruthless honesty with oneself to dismantle one trick after the other. Sometimes I would sit days with that ‘no-feeling’ of numbness until I gathered courage and determination to examine it deeper. This process may take months until you are free of one particular emotion. But with the pure consciousness experience in mind you always have a comparison that keeps you going. (Actualism, Vineeto, AF List, No. 4, 23.1.1999)
Alan: Vineeto, I am interested to hear more of what you call ‘no feeling’ in your mail to No 4. Is this the same as ‘stuckness’ or something different?
‘Vineeto’: With ‘no feeling’ I mean a kind of neutral-dull, non-responsive outlook on life. It may start with having ‘no feeling’ but then I quickly get bored with it not being quite alive and annoyed about wasting my time. It is usually fear in its first stage when I try to push it away. Digging deeper I usually find feeling, emotion, fear and holding on to dear ‘self’.
It is very different to ‘no feelings and emotions’ where there is simply the delight to be alive.
Does that make sense to you? (Actualism, Vineeto, AF List, Alan-b, 2.2.1999)
Kuba: So actually it’s very simple, in that all I have to concern myself with is getting back to feeling good when feeling good has ceased, and that is very doable for sure and also very rewarding. And then when that “something more” naturally hoves into view, great, but it happens without any pushing or desperation at all, and it makes it that much sweeter when it does happen. It’s like “I have all that I need already and look there is even a little bit more here”. (link)
As for enjoying and appreciating feeling good being a backward-oriented approach here is something to think about –
Richard: By virtue of the fact you now have the beginnings of at least some degree of influence, over how you feel each moment again, your own interest in how you experience yourself can start to quicken (there being nothing which succeeds like success) and the more your own interest is piqued the more your awareness will increase of its own accord; eventually you can become almost eager to see what else will show up under the bright light of awareness.
So, starting where you are at (always the best place to start from), you can become aware of the less obvious irregularities in your daily feeling of regularity/ the majority experience of being a regular person, such as feeling slightly better than before until you start to recognise and acknowledge each moment of feeling somewhat better; those moments provide a base for you to build upon until you can say to yourself (and anyone who may be listening) that you are feeling good. (Feeling good is a generic term for a general feeling of well-being).
And this is where the fun begins: the aim is to enjoy and appreciate being alive each moment again; when you are feeling good then enjoy and appreciate feeling good; such enjoyment and appreciation is the way in which you consolidate what you have established (feeling good) and sets up an automatic signalling device (a flashing red light as it were) to let you know of the slightest diminishment of feeling good; as it is easier to remain feeling good than having to claw your way back out of feeling bad (a general feeling of ill-being) you have a vested interest in remaining attentive all the while you are feeling good.
The more you feel good the more feeling good happens; the more feeling good happens the better you feel; the better you feel the more feeling better gets … and so on and so on … gradually increasing ever-incrementally until one day you can get to the stage the identity in residence all those years ago got to where ‘he’ would say how ‘he’ had to invent a new word (‘bester’) because how on earth could best keep on getting better.
(Be warned: the sky is not the limit). [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, No. 11, 25 Nov 2009).
Kuba: Hmm and I wonder if this is why especially for someone with a ‘high achiever’ persona, it can be so tricky to get the simplicity of the method.
Because for the high achiever, the hard worker, the dragon slayer etc when things go awry that is apparently a signal to do more, to go forward at all cost, to do the new thing etc. Whereas what is required is actually just to return to where ‘I’ was 5min ago before that thing happened.
But it’s this sense of “taking a step back” which is so counterintuitive to such a persona. As in things were evidently going well 5min ago and something happened to cause them to go awry, it seems like ‘I’ need to push forward and yet what ‘I’ actually need to do is simply go back to where ‘I’ was them 5 minutes ago lol.
Yes, and for a “high achiever” any other way than ‘his’ way is classified as going backward.
Ha, if it wasn’t counterintuitive to ‘you’, the persona, you would have already used the actualism method the way it was intended. Think again – when you pay attention to the aggression inherent in the urge to “push forward” you can see why this cannot be conducive to an ongoing state of feeling good, let alone feeling excellent. The urge to “push forward” means something essential is missing according to ‘you’, is not good enough according to ‘your’ concept of life and you are at loggerheads with yourself and with actuality.
Also, it is generally not helpful to create a concept of what virtual freedom means by merely making a carbon copy of what you are doing now, then adding new wall-paper, before you take some practical down-to-earth steps in the new direction. It spoils and distorts the whole adventure of naïvely exploring new territory.
Kuba: And of course it is the habituation of feeling good in this manner which will actually lead to a movement forward, in terms of doing something productive. As well as taking a look at what that thing was that caused the issues, but only from the position of having already returned to feeling good. (link)
You might find this amusing and instructive – there is far more to explore than what you can ascertain by just thinking about it –
Respondent: I guess there are no shortcuts.
Richard: What I find telling – and this is a general observation – is just how much peoples object to being happy and harmless … the vast majority of the correspondence in the archives is, in fact, a cutting indictment on the human condition itself.
Do you realise – and this is a personal observation – you have just said, in effect, that you guess you will have to become a happy ‘being’ before you can become actually free from the human condition (as if were there a way to be thus free without having to do so you would not)?
Whereas it is actually such a delight to finally be able to be happy (and harmless) … and a relief. (Richard, AF List, No. 54, 27 Nov 2003).
Cheers Vineeto