So I woke up pretty excited about this new thing to explore - actual intimacy. It clicked yesterday that essentially I conflated an emotional intimacy with actual intimacy and then wrongly thought that to get close to the other meant to wade into the waters of emotional intimacy. So whatever resistance I had towards getting close to the other, it was based in a misunderstanding.
I have re-memorated the flavour of actual intimacy, a direct experiencing of the other. In short there is nothing that could go wrong there!
And it is a delicious thing, to experience the actuality of the other, that they are here now as a flesh and blood body.
Now I am genuinely excited at this possibility, to experience the other directly.
There is this rather cliche sign that hangs upon entrances to various martial arts academies - “Leave your ego at the door”, the door to actual intimacy has a similar sign but it reads - “Leave ‘your’ self at the door”.