Things are still going well, I can see now what I have been doing the past year, in that ‘I’ would creep up to the possibility of something happening and then ‘I’ would immediately arrogate ‘myself’ over the whole process and it would all become stillborn once again.
Those things which you have mentioned to me Vineeto - such as standing still and letting the dust settle, this is making sense now. In that ‘I’ cannot end ‘myself’ but ‘I’ can actively set in motion a process that will result in ‘my’ demise.
So what I have been doing is acclimatising myself to remain in that place where all is wonderful, without moving in either direction. It’s fascinating because ‘I’ am standing still and yet a lot is going on. But somehow in the past this is precisely where ‘I’ would feel this need to pull the trigger on something, to move somewhere, do something.
Perhaps because allowing this process is literally eroding at ‘my’ very foundations, it’s inviting the final situation where ‘I’ am exposed. There are still brief reversions into ‘me’ surviving again, but this is less and less now. I experience it as if there are no objections anymore but of course there must be something. BUT I understand now that whatever the last objection may be, ‘I’ am not to go looking for it/solving it as the ‘doer’, it can come naturally to the surface whilst ‘I’ remain in the wonderful place.
I do have an inkling that it is related to the irrevocability of actual freedom, not that it is difficult or dangerous or anything of the kind rather that it is irrevocable - but that irrevocability, it is also wonderful… No way at all to ever go back to the land of lament. In fact if it was not irrevocable it would not be the final solution, it would not deliver the goods. Hehe Richard wrote that he would not change a single bit about the universe, I find that more and more these days, it is perfect.