Things have been going rather well recently, for a while it seemed like I had ran out of options to try, of avenues where I haven’t looked yet. I spent some time going round in circles initially and this past week something has changed.
Geoffrey’s post has been a great help, in terms of providing direction of what to focus on :
Geoffrey: As long as you find yourself looking for the door that is tiny (the recipe, the formula, the secret sauce, the psychic gun, the pill, the trick), you’re nowhere near and should instead walk the path.
As long as you find the path narrow, arduous, vanishing, confusing, instead of wide and wondrous as it is, you’re not walking it, you are merely lost in the woods nearby - and should instead find it in yourself to take a first clear step in the right direction, such as making a commitment to happiness and harmlessness.The door is wide as the universe, just as the path is by imitation.
When one knows what it is one wants, and when one knows what it is one must sacrifice, then only the sensible action remains.
It is such a great post, it makes me smile how Geoffrey has managed to make it so succinct and yet for it to offer so much helpful information.
“If the path is not wide and wondrous then I am merely lost in the woods nearby” amazing! I have spent plenty of time roaming those woods 
But it seems like at the core of it for the longest of time I was simply not ready to proceed where the wide and wondrous path leads, deep down I wanted to retain ‘the known’. It looks like this time is coming to an end.
I have experienced actual perfection and purity many times over the years and yet to actually live it - that was too much to consider, in terms of what a drastic change it would be from all that I have known.
This is what has changed the past week, there is this growing readiness and willingness to actually live it. It is not pushing or anything like that, I just find that I am ready to proceed towards the end of the wide and wondrous path.
Richard wrote somewhere that the question ‘he’ would ask ‘himself’ back then was - What am ‘I’ saving ‘myself’ for? And basically it is that I have ran out of things to save ‘myself’ for.
The other side of it has been the experiences of actual perfection and purity, sometimes when I am in that just before sleep mode, when taking a nap or what have you, it is like I am being bombarded by flashes of actual perfection and purity. Every time it is the same response from ‘me’, that this actual perfection and purity is precious beyond compare, that anything of ‘mine’ is forever a second place, very very distant second. It’s actually very difficult to put into words the magnitude of the difference in value between even the briefest experience of actual perfection and purity and then anything that exists in ‘my’ world.
So it is like the scales have shifted, that gravitational pull of ‘the known’ has been outweighed by this genuine wanting and readiness to proceed towards actual perfection and purity, to once and for all actually live it, no more dipping the toes in the water and then scurrying away 
And so this is the kind of place I have found myself recently, it’s been very wonderful and all-round no longer stressful. ‘I’ cannot know what self-immolation will be like or what life will be like when ‘I’ am gone, but that doesn’t matter at all actually.