Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for those replies, I did read them but there has been a lot going on recently. There was in particular 2 events which happened over the past few days that “shook the boat” quite significantly so I have been somewhat all over the place.
It seems it is quite a precarious place to be in when the controls are let go of, I remember around Christmas time last year it also seemed like ‘I’ was on the verge of disappearing and then an event involving a fellow actualist also shook ‘me’ significantly.
It seems like there is a risk of going out of control, like ‘I’ am very vulnerable.
Hi Kuba,
You feel vulnerable because with the sophisticated ‘doer’ being descendant you can no longer automatically rely on your socio-cultural inwit, a.k.a. conscience, to not get into trouble, hence you now need to orient yourself to, and rely upon, the compass of pure intent.
Ha, Richard used to say –
Richard: The identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body all those years ago was wont to say, whenever ‘he’ would get a bit cocky about being on top of it all, that an everyday life situation would invariably tap ‘him’ behind the knees, so to speak, and bring ‘him’ back down-to-earth … and that, furthermore, life was very good at doing just that. (Richard, AF List, No. 68d, 17 Oct 2005)
Kuba: Also with regards to intimacy experiences I find something similar, that when a lot is “going on” and I don’t quite know where to place myself, it is quite difficult to allow such interaction, it is like I am operating with a fragmented mind (link)
Mmh, why do you need to “place myself” – isn’t your aim, informed by pure intent and especially in intimacy, to lose ‘yourself’?
The “fragmented mind” could to be indicator of a remnant hesitation to lose ‘yourself’. That’s where the tyre meets the road, so to speak.
Kuba: I am always amazed at Richard and his mettle, how he went through insanity to end up in the actual world, and with no precedent at all, what an incredible achievement. But it seems like when I am in that precarious place it could fall one way or another, actuality or insanity (link)
I suggest to first get back to feeling good before you make an assessment about your state of mind.
Then find your connection to pure intent and experience the beneficence and benevolence issuing forth from the purity of the stillness of this infinite universe. In this stillness you will find the confidence and certainty that nothing can go wrong.
Cheers Vineeto