Haha what a brilliant way to put it! This hits bullseye exactly why I cannot quite allow it fully, that if I was to fully enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive I would be “diminishing my bank account elsewhere”. It seems it is the thrust of ‘surviving’ itself, that ‘I’ invest in ‘surviving’ as an identity, which means ‘I’ pay into that bank account ‘elsewhere’.
The belief in god or the afterlife is gone, this kind of belief was also part of that ‘high achiever’ mentality, or what I called a ‘grind mentality’, or in fact even the thing of ‘delayed gratification’, it is all the same flavour isn’t it? It comes from the old paradigm where one is saving oneself for some other time/place, one suffers now for a reward in the future. But as it is always now one ends up suffering forever and the future never comes, it cannot for it is not actual.