Thank you Vineeto, your replies are very useful here. I should have written a while ago, that would have been less time wasted!
So essentially it’s like this - ‘my’ most supreme donation comes from felicity and innocuity, from enjoyment and appreciation, that is how it is a gift freely (and happily) given.
Whereas ‘I’ have been trying to deliver it from some kind of morality/control/seriousness and the product so far has been more suffering… 