Yes it is, just a couple of days ago when I was so close to the actual world I was having these exact thoughts, that this is what I always wanted to be - innocence personified. Also it is such a joy these days to experience myself more and more as the near-innocence of naiveté, to be (as far as an identity can be) liking and likeable, caring and considerate, benevolent and beneficial.
It reminds me of Richard writing about someone undertaking a “challenge” to be nice to everybody for a day, and Richard finding it so odd/funny that it would be a challenge in the first place!
It is so nice to deal with customers at work and to be genuinely helpful, or to go teach some BJJ and see that those present are enjoying their time as well as drawing something beneficial from the interaction, to work at a hen party and facilitate a safe but fun atmosphere for all, to genuinely care for Sonya as a fellow human being. For all of the above to be an “of course”.
And these are all just the virtual benevolence and benignity, the best that ‘I’ can muster. It must be the most incredible thing to be that very benevolence and benignity, with no cap to it as such, no way to give to some and withdraw from others, and with the 100% certainty that nothing dirty could ever seep it’s way in.
I’m not scared of it anymore, it felt a bit too intimate initially to allow this near-innocence. That somehow people would find me weird, or too much or whatever, but I can see that it has been beneficial in every way.
Contemplating all this it’s kind of weird looking back to the real world, where apparently one has only the options of being ‘happy’ and selfish or unhappy and ‘selfless’. And actually it is so delightful to be harmless, happiness and harmless cannot be separated out, it is 1 delicious package.