Ah ok I see what you were getting at now… Yes there is no sense in ‘me’ blaming ‘myself’ for going around in circles and neither should ‘I’ necessarily try to cover this up or deflect into something else, there is something key here.
Ultimately this is all that ‘I’ can do until ‘I’ don’t. See ‘I’ took it in the flavour of some kind of a “telling off” - here goes ‘Kuba’ being cunning once more and going around in circles etc. But the key thing is to recognise the pattern, that as an identity this is all that ‘I’ can do, to put it off some more by going around in circles.
‘I’ did begin to see the pattern hence I asked @claudiu if perhaps it has been obvious to all but not ‘me’ haha.
Would it be correct to say that for the woman of Indian birth it was the recognition of the pattern which precipitated the apperceptive seeing which ended ‘her’? Of course the passionate involvement had to be there in the first place for any of this to happen.
I described the other day how during the PCE at 18 I saw ‘myself’ as an “echo playing on repeat”, of course this ‘echo’ can only go round and round in circles. But if ‘I’ am to find a way to allow ‘myself’ to be seen like so, this can be the end of ‘me’.
I wonder if this will make much sense for you but this is what I can see so far from what you wrote.