It clicked yesterday that the only thing going wrong is ‘me’… It is progressively more out of the norm to experience any kind of descent into feeling bad which means when this does happen in any degree I am always fascinated to discover just what is going on!
Yesterday there were 2 times when this happened, first one was when me and @Sonyaxx went to give notice to get married, there was a sense in which it was a very formal set up with serious questions being asked etc Although I could very much tell that the friendly official taking us through the process did not intend it to be so! Nevertheless I found myself getting a little stressed through this process and fumbling on some of the questions. It was lovely not to fight this and instead to accept that this is what feeling beings do and ‘I’ am a feeling being.
Second one was teaching BJJ in the evening and again fumbling as I was demonstrating a technique to the class.
After both of these events the initial ‘solution’ seemed to not make any mistakes, right? Because if ‘I’ never fumbled in any way then ‘I’ would be ‘perfect’ and then no reason to ever feel bad. It took me about a second of contemplating going down this route to see that it is an utter dead end though, only further stress and anxiety exists in that direction, also sincerity (and therefore naiveté) will not be found there.
It clicked then that the only thing ‘wrong’ in any of these events was ‘my’ emotional reaction, that fumbling or not that meeting with the official could have been an utterly amicable situation for everyone concerned. That when I was demonstrating the technique and “something went wrong”, it was ‘my’ emotional reaction that was the something. I saw that many times in my life I experienced mistakes and errors whilst feeling felicitous and innocuous and somehow nothing was going wrong (in an ultimate sense). This is when it clicked, it made me think of what Richard wrote that the perfection and purity of the actual world has no need for precautions, it is an organic perfection and purity, not a manufactured one. What I could see is that in actuality (because of the inherent perfection and purity) there is plenty of room for errors and mistakes and yet that perfection and purity is unassailable - thus one is free to fumble happily. And the same with felicity and innocuity, ‘I’ don’t have to become some “serious perfectionist” in order to manufacture an artificial perfection. ‘I’ can go about in the world naively and fumble happily if fumbling is to happen. The thing that has been going wrong all along is only ‘me’, the world of people, things and events has been doing just fine all this time!