Hi Kuba,
Lol, the way you wrote it – which door closed “behind ‘me’”? You never went through a door.
You have gathered as much surety as ‘I’ can ever have about the safety of infinitude.
What you seem to be missing is gay abandon.
I re-read this quote just now and it could give you pause of planning to dart back and forth from the door of ‘self’-immolation too readily –
RESPONDENT: I’d guess you’d favour the ‘boots and all’ approach, but just to be sure, is there anything one should be specially careful of?
RICHARD: Hesitancy (an opportunity is quite often a very rare thing).
RESPONDENT: Am I understanding you correctly that, once the process begins, you throw caution to the wind and just go all the way, come what may?
RICHARD: Provided there be pure intent (and that is no little proviso) … yes. [emphasis added] (link)
Just thought I let you know.
Kuba: It seems that the certainty that would have ‘me’ self-immolate now could be used with complete reliability every time if needed, this is how sure ‘I’ need to be.
It looks to me that the only thing ‘you’ are sure of now is how ‘you’ can escape your final destiny, as in “it is too good to be true”. 
Cheers Vineeto