The other side of this experience is that I can see that the universe will not force me to be happy and harmless or to self-immolate within this lifetime, infinitude is already complete and so it is in no rush in that sense, ultimately it is completely down to me.
Furthermore I can see that the universe is not ultimately concerned with individual life, again because of it’s absoluteness as per the previous posts, so there is no guarantees for this flesh and blood body made by the universe, the universe is too grand to have to play these kind of games.
In the past I saw this as a sign of a malevolent universe, “why doesn’t it care about ‘me’?” But this line of reasoning only applies as long as ‘selves’ are in existence, because ‘we’ are separated from infinitude, we are these contingent little bubbles. The suffering caused by ‘being’ a ‘self’ is because of ‘my’ contingent nature. ‘I’ look at the infinite and eternal universe as if it is a bully, it does not care about the things that ‘I’ do, it does not play the games that ‘I’ am invested in.
But this is not due to malevolence but rather the fact that infinitude simply has no need for these games, it is far too grand for that.
It’s fascinating that all these facts of life are ‘baked into’ perfection, as in it could not be any other way. Only an infinite and eternal universe can be perfect (without compare) and the rest of the above simply flows from this. If ‘I’ was to demand the universe to change in line with ‘my’ needs then it would no longer be perfect, it would be a contingent universe, a desperate universe, it would be just like ‘me’.