Recently on 3 occasions I have dreamt that ‘I’ self immolated 
The first one not realising that I was asleep I truly believed that I was actually free haha. It was quite an intense dream, the words “you will have to do something you have never done before” seemed to be echoing and in the dream ‘I’ went into the fear that was ‘me’ and then experienced this rather dramatic end to ‘me’. It was all very real and I thought that was it! Then of course I woke up to realise that ‘I’ was still around lol.
The next 2 happened when I was napping and this time around there was the background awareness that this isn’t genuine but still there was this sense of doing something that ‘I’ have never done before, going in the 1 direction ‘I’ have never travelled in before with the entirety of ‘my’ being, and then all of a sudden it was happening.
So without assigning too much validity to what is essentially ‘my’ concoction I have been considering that this is what ‘I’ have to do for real, in ‘my’ waking state.
It seems I am nearing the end of investing in any further ‘solutions’ within the human condition. This is a habit of mine, to find the next problem and then try to solve it, really just to buy more time.
Often I will simply put a new shine on some aspect of the human condition which I have already investigated and resolved, only to sell myself on it being some new discovery, or new area for investigation.
It’s a funny one though because all these years it seemed as if I was building towards something, putting extra feathers in my cap along the way like they would eventually amount to something in themselves. And yet the prospect of self immolation means that it will all go along with ‘me’. I can see that it certainly wasn’t time wasted as there was no chance ‘I’ could sincerely consider self immolation without all this prior work.
Yet the option to self immolate was always available and it would have been no different back then as it will be when it happens now. This is because actuality exists as if a different dimension, it is outside of that bubble of illusion that ‘I’ exist in, ‘I’ am an aspect of reality in the sense that ‘I’ am an illusion which exists as part of an illusiory world, ultimately ‘my’ existential status is the same as that of reality, they cannot be separated out.
‘I’ could not leave the illusiory bubble without going into full blown delusion, because ‘I’ am simply an aspect of it. Just like Richard described the self being like a vortex in the water, there is no way to distinguish the water from the vortex other than by its movement.
So I can see that ‘I’ could not possibly enter that other dimension of actuality, which in itself is a bit of a startling discovery Indeed ‘I’ am doomed. So accepting all of the above it is seen that anything else done in the meantime is simply buying time. Just like people say “you can’t take money with you into the afterlife” well ‘I’ can’t take anything of ‘me’ into actuality haha, ‘I’ will dissolve along with all the other illusions.
I can see now that all the ingredients necessary to be able to do it are already in place, and that there is no barrier for entry from actuality. Just like Richard wrote the intestinal fortitude will be provided when it is necessary, I can see this and this is exactly what happened in the dreams. In terms of altruism I can also see that this is a dormant aspect of ‘me’ and it will be likewise activated when necessary.
In terms of the ‘how to’ it seems that this is ultimately unnecessary to consider, the specific way in which it all plays out will only be known once it is happening, to try to plan it out in advance is just another way to buy time or to even block myself completely. Ultimately it seems that each pioneer had a slightly different experience with some common themes of course.
So ‘I’ am left with somehow generating the opportunity for it to happen, or perhaps inviting the opportunity, and once the ‘escape hatch’ is glanced ‘I’ must take that opportunity now, with the entirety of ‘my’ being. It’s quite thrilling to consider these things, very weird because there is just no way to know until it happens.