@Vineeto wrote
The very energy of all your feelings which arise can be used as a driving force towards your ultimate goal. None need to be hidden or pushed away, they all now provide energy for moving towards your final destiny. And every time there is more joyous appreciation as a result, and increasing confidence, that your demise is going to happen.
This is what I have been doing and this is what has been happening. It is an interesting territory, as Geoffrey mentioned in a zoom chat, ‘balls of steel’ are needed to proceed at this point 
There is certainly a building courage, to own and to ‘be’ those feelings, those utterly rotten feelings which are ‘me’. But furthermore to see that there is no redemption for ‘me’, that ‘I’ am doomed, in the sense that ‘I’ will never be fixed, and to proceed exactly in that direction.
Yet each time this courage is rewarded… Initially it seems that ‘being’ those forever rotten feelings would lead to inescapable despair, this is like looking in the 1 direction which ‘I’ have refused to look ‘my’ whole life. The energy of those rotten feelings is so powerful, scary to touch. And yet it is that very energy which can turn into the desire for oblivion and a movement towards ‘my’ destiny.
If ‘I’ dare to look in that one (seemingly) inescapable direction, ‘I’ can see that there is a way out, there is an escape hatch, which is the ending of ‘me’. What a fascinating place and indeed what an adventure, I am reminded of Richard writing that as weird as it may seem at first, the thing which ‘I’ am afraid of the most is what ‘I’ desire the most.
So indeed courage is needed to meet ‘my’ destiny, ‘I’ am rotten to the very core and yet ‘I’ am courageous enough to proceed. The reward each time ‘I’ inch closer is that experience of release and of the sweetness and tenderness which exists at the final destination.
Proceeding in this way yesterday I realised that there is ‘no-one’ at all preventing ‘me’ from allowing self immolation. In the same way that another identity cannot do it for ‘me’, they are not blocking ‘me’ either, so any well fabricated excuse is just that, ‘I’ have simply believed all of ‘my’ life that ‘I’ was trapped by ‘them’.
So it is entirely in ‘my’ hands now… I can see that it is possible and I no longer believe it to be some complicated task, requiring a sophisticated approach.
What is required now is something like total sincerity, the slightest dissociation and ‘I’ will remain in some aspect and therefore ‘I’ will remain in ‘my’ totality. So this is indeed committing with the entirety of ‘my’ being. Proceeding in this way is like surfing on the very edge of where dread and despair continually turn into thrill as ‘I’ proceed to what ‘I’ am afraid of the most / what ‘I’ desire the most.