Kuba: So I have been having fun investigating self esteem / self worth. I can see this aspect of the human condition is what underpins most of the themes which remain. The archetype which I can narrow the thing down to is one of the ‘messiah’. […]
This desperate need to belong however is a beast that needs to be fed over and over, it never rests. Which means ‘I’ lock ‘myself’ in the never ending pursuit for the next ‘golden nugget’. This archetype of the ‘messiah’ is a tricky one to see for what it is, because this desperate need for a feeling of validation is masked by ‘doing good for others’ or ‘seeking excellence to uplift others’.
It’s like ‘I’ want to be Jesus, bringing light to those below ‘me’ and in doing so solidify ‘my’ place in the group forever, ‘I’ will then be forever needed.
Hi Kuba,
That is a pretty hungry “beast” indeed the way you play it out.
What ‘Vineeto’ discovered the further ‘she’ inquired into her ‘self’ is that this entity which dictated ‘her’ life is deep down very fragile, very insecure and the reason is that ‘she’ knew that this entity is fake, a mountebank, a fraud, a confidence trickster – and therefore not only in need to constantly justify ‘my’ existence but also to have others confirm ‘my’ existence (hence the need to belong).
You may have observed when you believe something (but are not quite sure), you need allies, whereas when you know something for a fact, you don’t need anyone to confirm that to you, you just know.
The more ‘Vineeto’ became enthusiastic to the point of being obsessed with actual freedom, the more ‘she’ became autonomous and confident, because ‘she’ didn’t waste energy to constantly hide ‘her’ fraudulent existence but instead was actively endevouring to expose it of ‘her’ own accord. The focus changed.
There was still a desire to ‘change the world’, to help the plight of humanity, but ‘she’ had now a clearer vision – become actually free and by this very act do something beneficial for everyone who wants to also be free from the burden of being run by the instinctual passions. In fact, ‘she’ dedicated ‘her’ life to it.
Kuba: The thing which I always wanted deep down was to be free to be me as I am, to be genuine, to be original and to be authentic. In short to exist completely outside of this structure of the ‘group’, of belonging, of identity etc. […] So ‘I’ have been keen to find that something ultimately precious which ‘I’ will be willing to give up ‘myself’ for. This seems to be in the right direction, the freedom to be me as I am for one and all.
It looks to me that the only thing you need to realize, and then actualize, is to get your priorities right and everything will fall into place.
You can “be original and […] authentic” and still be “‘doing good for others’” and “‘seeking excellence to uplift others’” – in fact much, much more efficiently – by genuinely caring, not for your own validation but for everyone’s actual benefit. Caring so much that you dare to show the way, not only to set everyone free from your own insalubrious identity (every identity is insalubrious) but also lead by example how easy it is to walk out of the human condition and to leave ‘yourself’ behind. And when you are without ‘self’ no one is below you and no one is above you either.
Now wouldn’t that be a genuine and thoroughly beneficent archetype, hey?
Cheers Vineeto