Spam alert, sorry 
. I am just looking at this thing now, and there is the option to move towards ‘there’ but there is a fear that keeps me in place. What I am telling myself is that I cannot move into that place with no rules because I will do something wrong. Like it is not allowed to abandon the rules. If I am no longer keeping track of each identity and how to relate to them will I just blurt out something stupid, will I transgress over their rules and invite attack, will I forget to fulfil some really important social covenant etc also what will happen to me when I no longer act according to the lines that support my very identity.
There is a real fear of no longer operating within these boundaries - it feels completely not allowed, dangerous. Because in that place the rules don’t even exist so I couldn’t even begin trying to respect them. I will be trampling all over ‘my’ most precious lines and boundaries with gay abandon haha, it feels so very wrong!
I can see this is what has been holding me back for a while now, that step into a world free of those boundaries feels dangerous, the boundaries feel real as in genuine, so it seems that I will become this giant bull in a china shop. It’s interesting because from the point of ‘that place’ those boundaries are seen to have never been genuine in the first place so no actual danger there, but it does not feel that way for ‘me’ right now.