Yes precisely, basically I had some real-world issues that I hadn’t settled and was avoiding. Over the last 1-2 years I’ve been gradually reducing my aversion to facing and dealing with those issues directly.
Currently I find my mental ‘to-do’ list to be a bit overwhelming, which is perhaps a sign that 1) I have succeeded in re-integrating myself into ‘normalcy’ and 2) it is time to do as you say and ‘clear the workbench.’ What is it like to get my life done from a place governed by sincerity, naivete, rather than avoidance and/or neediness? I can sense a whisper of it, which is enough to find my heading.
Noted - for some reason previous attempts at this commitment have not ‘stuck,’ honestly not sure what I’m missing. Leaving that as an open question for myself for now (though if anyone has ideas or suggestions, feel free to comment)