Replying here.
I can see that my attention has been split into a few domains, perhaps the trend is simply not wanting to be ‘me’ as I am currently.
Some of this has been intentional as I felt a couple years ago that I had been spiritual bypassing in the sense that my life was a bit of a mess but I was avoiding my problems and feelings and living in a false ‘actualist identity.’ I have been spending some time re-engaging with my occupation and social life, which I don’t see as a contradiction to actualism but has meant engaging with things that I had long avoided, and as such have had a lot to learn. In this, I have necessarily become quite involved in many ‘real-world’ problems.
Perhaps it could be described as a period of ‘me’ consolidating.
I am definitely still vitally interested in actualism and becoming free. I have found this period of consolidation productive in clearing the cobwebs out of some ‘dark corners’ of myself. I’ve also found the appearance of new problems informative.
I appreciate this message. I’m experiencing it as something of a wake-up call… a reminder of pure intent.
I remember in 2017 having a PCE and having the thought that ‘I’ would colonize the experience, co-opt it for my own ends… that is exactly what has happened over the years in many different forms. But the clean and clear qualities of the PCE are not something the identity can recreate completely.
I am happier and more harmless than I was 1 or 2 years ago, and I’m pleased about that. Perhaps it’s time to step on the gas regarding attention to pure intent.