Josef's journal

[Vineeto]

@Josef

@Vineeto

Wanting to be “perfect” only exacerbates this fight against yourself. ‘I’ can never be perfect by ‘my’ very nature. All ‘I’ can do is agree to minimise the prevalence of ‘me’ with the sincere intent to become happy and harmless.

Indeed, I have been my own enemy for a long time. I was thinking about it this morning, and it’s almost like I don’t know any other way to operate. All this self-aggression is backed by immense fear. Fear of living a life I don’t want. Fear of being disrespected. Fear of being taken advantage of. Fear of looking dumb. Fear of getting bullied.

Naïveté can never get a look in when I must protect against all of the threats above. I’ve been noticing how automatic that self critical whip is, and being those feelings. Then sometimes I am able to choose to feel good instead. Lot of work to do. (link)

Hi Josef,

Ha, do you notice how you continue “this self-aggression” by now using it under the guise of the ‘actualism method’ of not being good enough and having “lot of work to do”?

I understand that the fear you are describing can look overwhelming, but when you look at each of those fears and slowly realise that you are doing it to yourself by holding onto the idea of needing to be “perfect” rather than being someone who sincerely wants to enjoy and appreciate being alive, then those fears will have no grounds to dwell on.

And enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive, each moment again, is not work – it feels good to feel good. So you endeavour to remove the obstacles to feeling good, one by one, when they occur, and appreciate it each time you succeed in doing so.

Cheers Vineeto