I saw and experienced how the feeling comes first before the thought. Around this time of year there is a feeling of something missing in my life (family, friends, relationship, etc.) as I see all the others gearing up for celebrations and such. Even though this is all myth and belief it is real to them. Then the thought of her comes in which brings the feeling of love which is followed by sadness, etc. This passes quickly as I see it is all a mirage.
It is clear to me that the next step for me is to extinguish the feeler completely so that these feelings never arise in the first place to be followed by thoughts of the past.
I have made progress as it now seems like a distant illusion.
It is now clear to me that the āmeā itself must end itself.
This is something Iāve never seen as a fact before. I do see that the āmeā does have to do it. It has to end itself. Richard always said that but it never sunk in.
It seems that things are setting up for it. I have no family, no friends, not even much life left. Itās like there is nothing left to stop me.
However, there is something that can stop me. The āmeā has to do it and the āmeā can stop āmeā.
Right now, it seems that the āmeā is stopping āmeā.
Hi James,
Indeed, it seems that having nothing is more of a gift than we were ever expecting.
Everything in the normal world says that having nothing, especially being close to death is a horrible tragedy.
All the feelings we live our lives by point to these beliefs. If I donāt have a partner, wealth, looks, power, health, then I am a failure and should just give up and be gone, as I am a waste of space and time.
But you are not. Neither am I. To our very last breath we are a miracle of this universe. A conscious being! A self reflecting entity!
One of the dimensions of the āwide and wonderous pathā I didnāt comprehend was time. I keep being alive! I was always so terrified of dying. Always so defeated in every moment I didnāt āget itā. But here we are! Still alive. Another minute, another hour.
Just tonight I started to think this. About this dimension of āwide and wonderousā. I keep showing up! Alive! Another moment! Another thought!
Even if I never experience actual freedom, I have to say, itās a heck of an adventure to have even tried at all!
Cheers
Andrew
Well said Andrew. The way you have said this is very eye opening for me and I totally agree with it. We are indeed lucky to be alive even if we are not yet actually free.
I have been gradually improving both mentally and physically. I have been feeling good and enjoying and appreciating. As my time draws nearer by I donāt know how much I realize that now is a gift for me to use this extra time to become af. Otherwise I am not ready to die. I need to focus on what needs to be done in order to reach my destination. Even the proverbial five minutes will make it worthwhile and anything can happen after that. I may have a lot left after because it wonāt matter anyway.
I need to focus on right now which is excellent and very peaceful.