Ian: Stream of observational consciousness from a spontaneously arising experience that occurred yesterday, a very odd but awesome excellence experience, where conditions were perfect adjacent. I felt like i was going to self immolate out of the blue…
I am a feeling being. The feeling of being is me being. I am the everchanging swirling, expanding, contracting, shapeshifting feelings. […]
The tingling in my stomach and guts and chest is wonderful. The relief of a thousand years tension. I’m safe. The most important thing. I have brought this body to the perfect place and now I can let go. Funny. As if I really did anything. This place has always been this place. I’m just not needed anymore. I never was needed, but I definitely am not now. No more worries. I just danced around the house. The other human said ‘Oh I like this Ian!’. I don’t have to try anymore. I will only stay because of me. The only reason to stay is to keep being me. I want to keep being me. Keep struggling away. Keep suffering for no reason. Keep being a person. A type of person. Some kind of person. Frivolous activity - dancing. Fun. Happily tearful. A goodbye. A farewell. One last word. One last wish. A sigh. A poem. A tether. A thread. Gossamer. At the border. The final identity…I am fun.
Anyway, it didn’t happen in the end…but I’m glad i had the experience…increased confidence and understanding of the situation…it was kind of like in my teens i started pretending really hard to be a kind of person and have a serious and eventful adventure, but then yesterday it was like i was coming to my senses again and the flavour that was around was like back to being a kid again, with nothing more pressing than the immediate, no drama to pursue.
Hi Ian,
A fun excellence experience, the perfect experience from where to contemplate ‘your’ longed-for abdication.
Having discovered what you call “the final identity…I am fun” is marvellous – being naïve to the point of being naiveté is opening the doors to increasingly allowing the universe to live you. And your “increased confidence and understanding of the situation” and “coming to my senses again and the flavour that was around was like back to being a kid again” will make the enjoyment and appreciating of each moment of being alive a child’s play (pun intended). Viz:
Richard: “Naiveté is a necessary precursor to invoke the condition of innocence. One surely has to be naïve to contemplate the profound notion that this universe is benign, friendly. One needs to be naïve to consider that this universe has an inherent imperative for well-being to flourish; that it has a built-in benevolence available to one who is artless, without guile.” (Library, Topics, Naiveté)
And from ‘being naiveté’ there is not much difference to being out-from-control, in a different way of being altogether –
Richard to Claudiu: “Lastly, the actualism method segues into what has become known as the actualism process when the actualism method has become so automatic, via habituation, that one is walking about in a state of wide-eyed wonder (naiveté) simply marvelling at being alive (sensuosity) and being amazed/ delighted that all this – the world about/the universe itself – is occurring in the first place; the actualism process is when it becomes more and more difficult to distinguish the difference between one doing it (doing this business called being alive) and it happening of its own accord; when one becomes the experiencing of being alive/of it all occurring of its own accord one is then out-from-control (not ‘out of control’ as in wayward) and a different-way-of-being has ensued.
It all becomes rather magical (‘magical’ as in prestidigitation) after that.” (Private correspondence with Claudiu, 29 Feb 2012).
During the period of being out-from-control the identity (being the ‘beer’ as opposed to being the in-control ‘doer’) gallops ahead closer and closer to their destiny.
In her period of being out-from-control Pamela commented on how much better this experience (of being in an ongoing excellence experience) was compared to her 5-months PCE, and she explained that her PCE was a static experience while being out-from-control was exemplified by the progress of coming closer and closer to the actual world.
‘Vineeto’ experienced it the same way – “compared to being out-from-control, a PCE is an often brief, always temporary, glimpse into the actual world, very informative and marvellous in its own right, but a period whereby the identity is statically in abeyance and remains unchanged until it emerges again after the PCE has faded.” (Direct Route, No. 5, 16 Jan 2010)
Being in an ongoing excellence experience is the perfect launching point – because it is dynamic and not static like a PCE – from where to contemplate and move closer to one’s final goal. From here you can look closer at what possible objections there might be for ‘you’ to abdicating the throne, and whatever else prevents you from allowing the final transition to happen.
More fun times ahead, Ian. 
Cheers Vineeto