'I' do not actually exist

This morning I woke up and was scrolling through facebook and Instagram reading various posts and stories. I was reading some posts of a fighter that I know who has recently won a fight and was currently enjoying the post win rush of good feelings along with many posts from various people praising him etc. I saw how his current ‘reality’ is created by the feelings he is experiencing. I then read some other news story of a girl who was shot by a terrorist and decided to be nice to him in one way or another even though she hated him. I saw the interplay of the aggression she felt towards him along with the morals that were overlaid on top of this.

All of a sudden I had the most bizzare realisation which is something along the lines of what Richard says when he mentions that a normal human being is a flesh and blood body possessed by an alien entity called ‘me’. I saw this clearer than ever, I saw that in the news story it was not the actual girl talking about how she feels towards the terrorist. It is the entity consisting of the instinctual passions and overlaid with a social conscience that is using the tongue of this flesh and blood body to talk about her experience. Yet the most bizzare thing is that this entity called ‘me’ does not actually exist, it is generated in the same way as the current ‘reality’ of the fighter is being generated by the good feelings he is experiencing, none of this is actually happening.
There is actually only the flesh and blood bodies missing out on living what they actually are, super bizzare but I have never seen this so clearly.


Yes everyone is living in a fever dream … and it’s just absurd to feel like I have to stay and be with them in their fever dream out of a sense of obligation or loyalty. Better leave the fever dream and then they have a chance to leave it too!