Hi Vineeto,
To echo Adam’s theme of initial reaction to later appreciation , I took this as encouragement but didn’t specifically have anything to be courageous about. I was also surprised by the encouragement to be friendly with myself, it is always a great reminder for me.
My later appreciation came after a morning walk by the river, where I determined that it would be a good idea to start a YouTube channel. A somewhat “pie in the sky” idea, but something creative with at a glimmer of earning potential in the long run. Anyway, regardless of the soundness of the idea, a whole heap of fear arose and I was genuinely afraid.
The fear goes something like;
“Here I go again! Another failed scheme, another waste of time and money, another way you will fail. Another proof that you are useless and a fraud. A pretender, how many times will you dream this useless crap?”.
My eyes are full of tears now. I didn’t really want to write anything, but it was significant that the endorsement of courage came before I realised I needed it. I wrote because I have been progressively seeing how afraid I am, all the time. How I have pushed beyond it over my lifetime, but as age has tempered bravado, there is not the time to fail like I used to. The “hope” has less potential time to work with.
Having said all of that, there is a benefit to this particular idea. Something that may well benefit my sons, and give them some encouragement in like to push into the unknown.
For context, I am sitting in a corner surrounded by all my musical equipment. Last night I decided to just enjoy myself. To not care at all about recording anything. To forget about any end goal, or product. I had an enjoyable time studying the key of “D” and going through chord inversions without any goals except to explore them.
Cheers Andrew
PS, thinking a post will be quick, then realising I should have posted in my own journal.