Hey there! I’m Emilio, nice to meet you all! I found Actualism by chance 2 years ago (thanks to some random comment on Dharma Overground about people who had no emotions that caught my attention) and I have been applying the method on and off during this time. About three weeks ago I decided to get more serious and since then I’ve been diligently applying the method everyday with wonderful results (lovely PCEs and EEs) and now I’m more determined than ever.
I’ve been lurking in the shadows this past weeks wanting to comment on this forum but everytime I was going to do that I kept thinking “Em,you should introduce yourself first” so here it is. I’m Argentinian and I’ve just seen a new topic called “Boludeando” and I thought “ok, introducing myself now would be perfect timing” lol.
So anyway, thank you all for all your reports, they’ve been really useful and informative. I look forward to hearing from you!
I think the main thing I was missing was to actually enjoy this moment of being alive. In the past, I used to get lost trying to understand my negative emotions. It’s like I tried to get rid of them and ended up resisting them and feeling worse. I think it’s because I used to read a lot of Krishnamurti’s teachings and I was conditioned to try to understand emotions “deeply”.
This time around, instead of wasting time trying to understand why I felt bad (although sometimes it was obvious, and seeing the reason behind a negative emotion can be useful), I just saw the silliness in having that particular bad feeling and went back to appreciating the present moment. I felt such a relief when I understood that the key is to go back to enjoying this moment of being alive. It’s like, you see the emotion, sometimes you know why it’s there, but the main thing is to see how that emotion is preventing the appreciation of this very moment of being alive, and go back to enjoying. It’s really amazing when you see a particular emotion as a distortion that separates you from the perfection of the actual moment. Another useful thing for me is allowing the moment’s perfection to invade me. Instead of trying to force the appreciating of the actual moment, I sort of allow it to happen. It’s like you let the perfection come to you while you let go of control to make something happen. That usually leads to an EE or a PCE if I’m lucky. I also go on walks-a lot, which seems to help.
That’s great info. I’m finding as I start to feel good I often get lost in imagination, which to me seems like the opposite direction to be moving. Did you ever run into that on your walks?
So far, Actual Freedom has had a huge impact on my life, who I am as a person and how I relate to the world, but I’m not at the point where PCEs are happening on the regular. But by and large, things just keep getting better and better. It’s very encouraging to hear someone talking about having PCEs frequently.
Glad the info helped! Yeah, I lived in my imagination most of my life, so the first couple of days applying the method I kept running into my imaginary worlds. It still happens although I now I can get out pretty easily and go back into delighting in the perfection of the actual world. What helped me was seeing the contrast between my imaginary world and the actual world: the first one runs on emotions and because of that is volatile, like a dream that can turn into a nightmare in a second. The second one is perfect and untouched by my emotions, which makes it completely safe.
It helps to ask yourself this while imagining some scenario: “what emotion is triggering this fantasy?” That will usually pop the images quickly and then you’re ready to go back to enjoying the world through your senses.
Hope that helps! Can’t wait to read about your experiences!
My experience with the imagination (my life sounds like it’s been similar to yours, I’ve always been a big dreamer) is that the more I got back into the senses the more imagination was being “put in its place” so to speak. Becoming more sensual, in my experience, fine tunes consciousness so that imagination is seen for what it is instead of being this space one gets lost in. It kinda works like a sound equaliser. Imagination/fantasy/endless rumination diminishes by not repressing or expressing its contents.
My experience with imagination has been similar, both with respect to its abusive use over the years, as well as its gradual weakening thanks to AF.
Although many automatisms are maintained in similar walks (in front of a traffic infraction, a display of violence, an attractive woman, etc.), what has disappeared is:
imagination as a refuge
imagination as a space of incessant rehearsal of potential scenarios in search of security or satisfaction.
These two uses presented “my” greatest resistance and problems to AF.
Hi FrankN! Glad you found my posts helpful! I read the forum every day yet for some reason I always feel like I have nothing to add to the conversation lol I also got a job right after introducing myself in this community, which lead to dealing with really intense emotions. It’s like, before having a job I had most of the time to myself and no real stress, so having to apply the method while having so many responsibilities felt like starting over in many ways. I think I only went back to feeling good a few weeks ago, but it was really hard to shake the emotions I had surrounding authority, fear of not being good enough, and deep shame after making mistakes. I’m truly thankful for the many posts in this forum, they really helped me navigate some of the stressful weeks I had, especially in April. Now that I have more time and my job is not as demanding I’ll try to post more often
so here it is. I’m Argentinian and I’ve just seen a new topic called “Boludeando” and I thought “ok, introducing myself now would be perfect timing” lol.
Welcome!
