Fixation experience

Yesterday I went for a wonderful walk on the beach by myself on a rare sunny day here in Southeast Alaska, it was even a bit warm when I was out of the wind. I walked up and down the beach, sitting here and there at times, sipping my coffee, and taking in the view both near and far.

I also found myself thinking about some local politics which were causing some ruffled feathers on social media, thinking about how all these actually-existing beings were actually experiencing rushes of fear-hormones and subjectively experiencing a ‘being’ who was their fear, and their pride of ‘knowing what was right.’ From my ‘outside’ perspective, the logical fallacies and jumps to conclusion were startlingly obvious - and yet I could cast no moral judgment, as only recently I had engaged in just the very same logical fallacies, fears, and conclusion-jumping in my own fear-filled affairs.

I found myself realizing that these very actual bodies so psychically-upset over the political issue, triggering their own actually-existing bodies to actual hormonal upset-states, were physically existing just the same as this obviously perfectly-formed beach existed, this perfect sunshine warming me as I sat comfortably on the beach which I was so agreeably able to wander on my day off from work, not a care in the world.

And shortly afterward I spotted a shining, fist-sized quartz rock, common in these volcanic parts, and picked it up and put it in my pocket. And I experienced a flashback to another experience, on the very same beach some years back, where I found myself fixated on finding quartz rocks, it became an obsession, I had been thirstily scanning for additional quartz, discarding all else.

And I realized that that was exactly what it was, fixation, I was fixated, and that it was this very same fixation that these politically-minded folk were experiencing… they believed that they were right, that they had to post some vitriolic comment or there was a problem, that the other had to see their point of view.

And in that seeing, my awareness went the other way… everything became very soft, wide, open, I was seeing everything around me, just thinking whatever thought, thinking this, that, no matter, the thinking is just happening of its own accord, there’s nowhere for me to get to anyway.

And I realized that that was what Richard was talking about, the soft un-focused 360 degree awareness. It’s the opposite of fixated.

Just idly watching with everything equally important – or unimportant. But you are not specifically important at that moment … which could be why you think it to be a ‘bird’s-eye view’ … but it’s actually you as a person taking a back step and the body – the senses – are experiencing everything as they can experience it without ‘you’ around. The ‘interpreter’ who normally does the focusing.

Ah, wonderful. It doesn’t matter too much whether I do this or that, and I certainly don’t have to collect every piece of quartz on the beach… or do anything else for that matter! Such a lovely adventure it is, being alive.