There is something here too as I continue to investigate/contemplate
Even when I’m attempting to be my feelings, STILL there is a cunning dissociation and distancing.
It’s like I see myself as the puppeteer of my own mood states, looking down at my feelings through a microscope.
And therefore my application of the method is also disrupted/poisoned by this misunderstanding. To use another metaphor, it’s as if my attempt at the method is about trying to keep the ball of feeling good in the air. I am the one anxiously trying to keep the ball “where it needs to be”, rather than truly experentially understanding that my mood and me are literally one and the same. It’s me.