I am sure I’m getting closer to the actual world. I have been trying to do the virtual freedom method for a long time now. Things are starting to actually work though. (I’ve written private notes on what I think were the various blocks and how I overcame them - will probably share those later).
The “improvement” is something that you can sense - affectively there is an obvious stability. It feels good to feel good. And then sensuosity creates the feedback loop. Sensuosity is fun and exciting.
This current experience I’m having started when I was just in my room tapping away on the computer. It went to that place of fun/sensuosity/current-time-awareness somewhat of its own accord, and I just leant into it.
I decided to go for a walk and, remembering the delight from my room, it was easy to enjoy the world around in the same way (you could call this a sense-familiarity of “how to enjoy”).
What I’ve really started playing with is modulating my moods. Recognising when I’m in the danger zone - being aware of how I feel with no dissociation - investigating - contemplating the possibility of feeling good - inclining myself towards it. To get to feeling good, I find forcing doesn’t work. It’s more like something that comes back around, with some nudging.
When I look at my years of difficulty with this method, I see I was getting stuck in quite extreme anxiety most of the time when we’re talking about applying the method, or trying to have PCEs and stuff like that. I didn’t know what to do when I hit those barriers which I perceived as threatening. Feeling good seemed a literal impossibility no matter how hard I tried.
Now it’s totally different, anxiety or emotional pain or insecurity are just like a setting on the washing machine - not something to lean into or take seriously at all (other than to feel it fully and sincerely investigate). Don’t get me wrong, they are still powerful emotions - it’s just that I have a game plan when they take place now, one that doesn’t involve dissociation/escape/despair/self-castigation/further anxiety.
It’s crazy how when feeling good or beyond, this moment really is enough, and not something at all to be wasted.