Fear Instinct

After spending a few days in various worries about my relationship, I had an insight. It came when I really decided to look at what I was feeling, rather than following the thoughts themselves. I felt this whole thing was driven by fear (and fear is ‘me’), like a wheel spinning rapidly. Noticing this, I felt it slow down and stop. Since yesterday, I’ve been feeling relaxed, as if I took a big weight off of my shoulders. It feels like life has slowed down. I am unable to worry that much. When it comes to my relationship, I can triggered very quickly by anything I read or hear. I keep falling into the trap of feeling bad. But the crazy thing is while worrying about all these things, I cannot be alive in this moment. I cannot be sensitive and caring to my partner in this moment. I cannot be curious about her. So ‘I’ create the very result I am afraid of: her leaving me for various reason or another.

The identity always wants to be in the future (or the past). It resents being here because then it will die. Once ‘I’ get triggered, ‘I’ want a solution right now. It becomes urgent and compulsive. Noticing this in action is putting a stop to it, slowing the wheel down. When I’m not being malicious or sorrowful, everything is okay. There is no urgency. I can chill. I guess this is what it means when feeling good is not really about manifesting some special state, but rather about stopping being malicious and sorrowful.

Now the question is, what if I just stop following fear around. What if I stop being fear? Will I just become a passive potato that never improves their life because I’m not motivated to do anything? Many of the things I have improved in my life have been due to fear and desperation. Granted, fear has also told me to do thousands of things which would have ended in disaster had I followed them.


Yes, as stated in Oops i forgot to feel good first again, instinct (in its various manifestations) is a great achiever. But we pay and make pay a very high price for it…
Unfortunately, I believe that only by having long enough PCEs we can verify to what extent, with the self in abeyance, we can produce impressively without the negative side effects.

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@Josef Ooh I know this one so well, I am sure most on here have experienced a very similar theme as well, the “will I become a useless potato when I am no longer driven.” :laughing:

I don’t know what it is like to live my life not driven at all, other than glimpses in PCEs. However I do know what it is like since more and more of my affective energy is directed towards feeling felicitous and innocuous. I guess that is the cool thing about applying the method, the method being an imitation of the actual. I can somewhat test drive and demonstrate to myself what it is like being alive with ‘me’ more and more out of the way, and this can be done incrementally. I think this is one of those things that everyone has to determine for themselves experientially though.
Comparing my daily life now to when I started with this around 2 years ago there is some key differences in terms of ‘productivity’.

I train and coach MMA, these days I train more often, more consistently and ‘harder’ than I ever did before. I say ‘harder’ because this is what it might appear to those looking from the outside, how it is experienced by me though is that ‘training hard’ is more like being fully involved in doing an activity that I enjoy doing anyways, like Richard writes, it becomes more and more like play as opposed to ‘work’, but this does not mean productivity is diminished, on the opposite, without the emotional burden of having to ‘work hard’ I am able to be more consistent and productive with what I do.

The same basic observation has happened with regards to my work, I work in customer service which means I often deal with disgruntled people. With ‘me’ more and more out of the way, and again without the emotional burden of being triggered by their bad moods, I am able to complete my daily tasks more effectively, easier and whilst feeling good the majority of the time.

There is so many other examples in my life of essentially the same trend, for example I have noticed I no longer sleep in until 11/12 on a weekend, simply because I want to wake up earlier and do the things that I enjoy doing. As there is less and less resentment towards being alive I simply want to wake up and go about my business.

I remember a while ago reading that @Srinath was doing some gymnastics classes and being so surprised that an actually free person was doing sport, because at the time I believed that I had to give up my MMA in order to be actually free. I remember his response essentially stating that this is just another one of those tricks that ‘I’ play, and a little further down the line I have found it to be exactly this way.

Of course ‘me’ being the very survival instinct I fundamentally feel that ‘I’ am necessary to protect ‘myself’ from the ‘danger’, but that ‘danger’ is my own projection of myself. I remember giggling at something that Peter wrote that ‘I’ am a passionate protector… of absolutely nothing at all. I think this is again where the whole looking back and patting yourself on the back is useful because it can be observed in yourself that becoming more happy and harmless has the effect of making your life better in every respect. The fear is that ‘my’ life will fall apart without ‘me’, but the fact is that ‘me’ getting out of the way allows this life to be lived in the optimum. This is because the sensible choice is not necessarily doing the bare minimum, this is something that I remember @geoffrey mentioning in his video. The sensible choice is to make the best use of ones time and resources to the situation at hand. This will take many different forms but certainly a different form than ‘I’ envision when I picture the useless potato scenario :stuck_out_tongue:

For example, I enjoy training MMA and being a coach it is something I always want to keep improving upon. So if I have the time and ability it makes sense for me to go and train. In fact not going training out of some weird ‘actualist’ principle would be the silly thing and it is so freeing to finally see that.