I had some very intense days. The “honorable man” theme was/is still rotating in my mind. Working, shifting, moving. This little, tiny thing became bigger and bigger by the minute. And reached it’s peak just yesterday.
It was like I was standing in the shadow of an immens skyscraper which was falling apart in front of me, in-real time. I was just a spectator who saw all the rubble falling down all around him. I didn’t do anything, while insights and revelations fell down left and right of me. I never suspected it to be such a thing in my life.
I began to understand that this theme has controlled and impacted me since I was a little boy. It was the cause of so much suffering and aggression in my life. I see how I was over-protective with my girlfriends, that I was passive aggressive towards my father, that it pushed me at my job and many more things. Everything became clearer. I sense many more things currently hidden behind the smoke and rubble. I’m not quite sure if that honor/pride thing is over, but today it was silent the whole day long.
I feel very reliefed and quite good at the moment.