I absolutely agree, but this goes deeper than that.
I’m really surprised that this feeling of loyalty and betrayal etc goes deeper then I initially thought. I was thinking this through to it’s final conclusion. I could see me standing there completely alone after everybody I care for has left my life. And I knew I could still be happy living a life just by myself. I would meet other people, make new friends, or not. But my angry vibes persisted and now it gets interesting: I would still be hurt, get annoyed, get angry about when “people” would call me a unreliable person. A person who couldn’t be trusted.
It’s like I having this image of me beeing a honorable man. This goes really deep and I wonder why? I can see that the cause is related to my upriging; my father, my friends, the media I consumed. There is this sense of beeing a good man, a honorable person who would never sell out his honor. Even I were the last person on this planet I would take this honor to my grave. I would fight for it and literally kick people’s ass for doubting it. There is pure aggression behind it. I could see myself fighting to death to uphold it. I had this thought/feeling of: What else has a man in this world but his honor. It’s fatalistic nonsense. I was surprised by myself.
I can see that honor is a social concept, while integrity is completely different. It doesn’t depend on outside support. But honor is also very special in so far that I would take it to my grave by myself - alone.
Nobody would see me, but me. It feels independent, but it’s really not. It’s likely some outside force would see me to then agree that I was indeed a honorable person.
It’s nuts. I’m sorting this out at the moment.
My friend, his wife, this whole his situation has become less interesting for me. I said everything I could/wanted and it’s up to them what they do with it. I don’t feel obliged to do anything about it at the moment. Maybe we’ll have a good and long talk about it in the future. I would like to sort this out, but it’s not a vital thing for me anymore. I feel better by the day and are slowly coming back to my senses.
Much more interesting is this honor vs integrity thing. Im somewhat baffled by the intensity of it. I’m somehow glad that this thing turned up so I can have a good look at it. It never really occurred to me before that I hold such a strong belief at heart and I can also see that it may have caused problems in my past I wasn’t fully aware of.