Hi @jamesjjoo, interesting that you are in the same boat. I was asking myself what do I really want with my life? I don’t even know if I can answer that question transparently.
I think I wan to be “somebody”, like how I used to so badly want to be a successful author. I think @Miguel touched on it in his post on the other topic:
There is definitely that desire driving my behaviour. I know that I want to be desired too, as in have people find me attractive. This is something I am really noticing lately, especially as I am still having a felicitous time and maintaining current time awareness. It is a quick disruptor, as soon as I get a tiny bit of attention in public, I start chasing that attention so pathetically. Hoping to have a woman check me out or smile at me. That dopamine hit. I am getting quicker of noticing this habit and getting back to a happy state. This will happen to me even when going on a PCE walk. I forget about my intention and I am suddenly focused on trying to catch the attention of somebody.