Richard: If you do not want peace-on-earth, in this lifetime, as this body … then you will never get it. Please, whatever you do, throw faith, belief, trust and hope right out of the window … along with doubt, disbelief, distrust and despair … and go for the actuality of peace and perfection ‘boots and all’. Use all of your determination – gather up all the intent you can muster and more – and jump in the deep end without a life-jacket. Desire it like you have never desired anything before.

I still don’t desire peace-on-earth in this lifetime as this body to that level. I grasp the sense in aiming for such an outcome and I can remember my PCE’s and how amazing they were but why can’t I muster that level of intent and desire?

What strikes me about Felix’s journal is how much more he dedicates himself to the path he chooses in his life. I really lack drive and direction, I am like a leaf blowing in the wind. There is this inertia in my life…especially about major life decisions.

@son_of_bob Ditto for me. I don’t want it like a drowning man wants air either. I think what is missing for me is pure intent. I have a memory of pure intent from a pce but I don’t experience it in my everyday life. Like you I am also missing the drive.


Hi @jamesjjoo, interesting that you are in the same boat. I was asking myself what do I really want with my life? I don’t even know if I can answer that question transparently.

I think I wan to be “somebody”, like how I used to so badly want to be a successful author. I think @Miguel touched on it in his post on the other topic:

There is definitely that desire driving my behaviour. I know that I want to be desired too, as in have people find me attractive. This is something I am really noticing lately, especially as I am still having a felicitous time and maintaining current time awareness. It is a quick disruptor, as soon as I get a tiny bit of attention in public, I start chasing that attention so pathetically. Hoping to have a woman check me out or smile at me. That dopamine hit. I am getting quicker of noticing this habit and getting back to a happy state. This will happen to me even when going on a PCE walk. I forget about my intention and I am suddenly focused on trying to catch the attention of somebody.

@son_of_bob I don’t know what to say that wouldn’t be more of the same. I don’t know how to want it like a drowning man.