Claudiu's Journal

I have been contemplating this very same thing lately. There is the drive which is ‘me’ and this is usually spent on various dramas which are available within ‘humanity’. It can be turned into various aspects of one’s identity such as career, parenthood, hobbies etc and then this gives one a sense of purpose, what this ‘sense of purpose’ really is about though is escaping from being ‘me’, it is a distraction from what ‘my’ ground of ‘being’ is all about, which is being forever separated from the actual.
So even though ‘I’ resent having to play this game of being a social identity, ‘I’ still choose it over the unbearable alternative.

What I am considering though is the benefit of committing wholly to being an Actualist. As in to channel all of that drive into the 1 aspect of ‘my’ identity which can deliver the goods. ‘I’ will be an identity until ‘I’ am no more, and usually ‘I’ split myself between all these various identities, all pointing in different directions.

It’s like ‘I’ am a part time Actualist, part time boyfriend, part time employee etc. and ‘I’ am trying somehow to make all of those aspects work together, to tick all boxes at once.

What happens though is that all those other aspects of ‘me’ are straining to pull ‘me’ back towards ‘humanity’, to remain an identity at all costs. Furthermore ‘I’ end up fragmented between different goals, one’s pointing in completely different directions.

It seems to me that there is only 1 way to make it work, which is to commit all of ‘oneself’ to being an Actualist. That is to say that last piece of pizza is an actualist through and through, until ‘he’ disappears in ‘his’ entirety.

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