So yesterday I understood this intellectually, today I had a glimpse of what this is referring to, that at the end of the ride there is no ‘me’ left, and that is a wonderful thing!
It happened as I was considering my current working situation, that I am cutting down hours from my employed work and slowly moving towards making a living teaching BJJ.
I can sum it up by what @geoffrey mentioned in a zoom chat a while ago - ‘you’ are trying to plan for a situation where ‘you’ will not exist, and indeed that is the case haha. Where life lives itself there is nothing of ‘me’ left, and in fact ‘I’ am not needed at all.
It’s so incredible as @claudiu wrote that I can explore all manner of things and still have this background of perfection and purity which it seems never goes away.
For me realizing this I hit a bit of a speed bump. It was two nights ago. As I wrote in #187, the momentum was increasing and it was all scintillating and wonderful. It seemed like I had been riding this wondrous wave and sufficiently paving the way, so I set my sights on what will come next – the actual ending of ‘me’.
Faced with this as the obvious next step, I hit upon a distinct patch of hesitation and “well hold on a sec”. This is something that I will actually have to do, which will mean the actual end of me – no longer a theoretical step at some point in the future, but something that actually will happen, or rather has to happen for me to attain my destiny.
So the wondrous scintillation has dimmed since then, although out-from-control is still what I am. And I very distinctly do not want to fall out of this different-way-of-being. In other words, I firmly am not going back to normal. So it is a matter of staying where I am, in a sense, and actually checking out this latest objection.
Very interestingly, when this would happen in the past I would experience it as being ‘stuck’. But I do not experience it as stuckness at all right now. It is just the next thing that is happening, and my experiencing still has that dynamic nature to it.
Yesterday I spent a good amount of time on X (formerly Twitter) which is a surefire way to be exposed to horrible and terrible things happening in the world. I am particularly bothered by the egregious and willfully dishonest clipping of and taking quotes out of context to paint people as saying something very obviously different than what they are saying if one watches it in context. I put a lot of time and effort into trying to correct people, add the context, post a Community Note about it. The results were dismal – people that already saw it, saw it, and every person that engaged with me pushing back and maintaining the dishonesty, none of them change their opinions about it at all, even when presented with the clear, unmistakable facts.
And so I came to see that what I was doing was trying to exert control over the world, to change other people to see what the facts are. And I saw it really just simply does not work at all. It reaffirmed that I actually don’t have control over this – meaning that my attempts to exert control in this manner, were a waste of energy.
It made it starkly clear that this is not an alternative to actual freedom. Going out and spending energy essentially being an activist – it just doesn’t work. It is a tiny drop in the bucket, one feeling-beings contribution to a site with hundreds of millions of feeling-beings all fervently participating on it. Even if I had millions of followers – there are posters who do have millions of followers, and their replies are filled by people that vehemently disagree with them. One simply cannot control other people, it doesn’t work.
It seems to mostly be out of my system now as I redirect my energy back to going further towards actuality. This is clearly the best way to actually make an impact on the world – by being that, and writing from that place, and then what I write may attract people which may go viral (perhaps), but that part is not up to me, all I can do is put it out into the world – and very obviously, the most impactful way to spend that energy is firstly to become free myself, and secondly to put that energy into the current active participants here, to help in whatever way that might help (which will be greatly aided by the most-impactful thing).
On a separate track, yesterday I saw Inside Out 2 and I was moved to tears several times during the movie.
The premise is to show a snippet of events in the life of a 13-year old girl Riley, where her inside world is represented by animated figures each representing different emotions - Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger are the main ones, which are soon joined by Anxiety, Jealousy, Shame and Ennui as she matures. These figures exist in her mind and exert influence on Riley via a literal control panel in her brain.
It is utterly hectic and chaotic and I was moved by how well it epitomized the human condition, where everyone for the most part is trying to do their best, and is constantly upset by their own emotions and neuroses, which they have through no fault of their own. Riley for the most part has Joy at the control panel, but as she goes through a period of changes, Anxiety takes the reigns. It increasingly exerts more and more control, at one point banishing Joy to a distant region of the mind, as Anxiety thinks the stakes are too high and it is too important to leave things to chance.
Anxiety becomes increasingly frantic, pressing more and more buttons, pushing more and more nerve-wracking possible futures to Riley’s consciousness, which cause her to spiral. Anxiety sees that the tactics are not working but can’t stop itself, eventually it forms a tornado around the control panel, mashing all the buttons and knocking out any other possible influence – a perfect metaphorical depiction of an out-of-control panic attack.
At this point Joy manages to re-emerge from the recesses of her mind and step into the center of the cyclone, where Anxiety stands, perfectly paralyzed, unable to let go of the controls. As Joy stands near Anxiety, tears start willing up in Anxiety’s eyes – which moved me to tears myself. Anxiety, too, is just trying to do the best it can, it came from a well-meaning place, and it just isn’t working.
Eventually Joy manages to encourage Anxiety to un-grasp the control panel, which begins the process of allowing Riley to calm down. The figurative emotions realize among themselves that it’s ultimately up to Riley to choose how to live her life. At that point in reality Riley stands up and sees the Sun shining in, and there’s a wonderful moment where a trail of yellow particles start flowing between Joy and the control panel – Riley decided to choose Joy as the way she wanted to live her life at that moment.
And so Joy resumed their place at the control panel and the remaining scene finished out with Riley having a delectably wonderful time, filled with sensuosity and delight.
All this was really very moving for me. The metaphors are not perfect but I thought it was a wonderful way to depict inner emotional turmoil, and I particularly liked the part about Riley being able to choose Joy – a very actualist message in fact!
I was moved because it epitomized the human condition, how it affects everyone, how people generally mean well – and how vital it is for me to continue on the path I am continuing on, to be able to help others to free themselves from it as well!
“And so I came to see that what I was doing was trying to exert control over the world, to change other people to see what the facts are. And I saw it really just simply does not work at all. It reaffirmed that I actually don’t have control over this – meaning that my attempts to exert control in this manner, were a waste of energy.”
This was a very observant experiment – “it is impossible to combat the wisdom of the real world”. It is a great insight to aid you in leaving humanity itself.
Richard: […] Then one takes the penultimate step … one abandons ‘humanity’. An actual freedom from the human condition then unfolds its inevitable destiny’. (link)
This meme always reminds me of a very old discussion I had with Claudiu…In some discussion I said SIWOTI to mean Someone Is Wrong on the Internet and I think he wasn’t aware of that and asked if it means Social Identity Without The Instincts ?
The “speed bump” has turned out to be more of a derailment, which I am starting to get back on track now. I am glad to see others on the forum have continued with their successes, especially @Kub933 – so it doesn’t entirely rely on me .
The interesting thing about this derailment, during which I have certainly gotten to the low levels of feeling bad and terrible and upset, is that there is no longer an element present of feeling stuck or resentful about it or that it ‘has to be this way’ or ‘woe is me’. In other words, consistently throughout is the constant experiential understanding that I am feeling the way I am feeling because of my choices, and nothing imposed externally whatsoever. This is very different than before.
And basically at any point throughout the familiar experience of there being no brakes available could start happening. So although it took a long time to go out-from-control the first time[1], now it appears to be readily available at any moment. How wonderful!
The salient question then is why the train has been derailed for so long? Actually I’m realizing a “train on the tracks” analogy is not so apt as that implies a one way to do it, narrow approach, whereas it is more a wide & wondrous path… but the analogy can suffice for now.
I can only draw it back to that seeing how continuing down this path will genuinely be the end of me. And when I thought of just getting back to feeling good and staying there as a first step (and not committing to the end per se), it didn’t work because I saw how that was just the first step in a series of steps that I would then follow that would then actually be the end of me. So I did not even want to go there – I can’t fool myself!
What has happened to get me back on track (to the trackless wide&wondrous path), is seeing that nothing that occurred over the past 10 days has been anything of any value whatsoever. It’s like, ok, I “get to” avoid self-immolating, I “get to” continue (illusorily) ‘existing’ … and what is my reward? Feeling bad! Haha. It’s like playing a stupid game and getting a stupid prize.
Combining that with the fact that it feels bad to feel bad, it’s just not a pleasant experience to feel bad, and there really is no reason to continue avoiding the wide & wondrous path, that is so readily accessible now. In other words, the only way to continue is forward, facing whatever resistance and objection full on, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be. In other words, avoidance is no longer an option.
Then a key third piece to the puzzle was seeing that the reluctance to change comes directly from the loyalty to humanity and the fear of abandoning humanity. Besides being rotten to the core, there are rotten parts to me – as to all feeling-beings – aggressive and malicious parts. They will not actually disappear until self-immolation. Until then, they will remain latent – able to be activated and channeled and expressed on a whim.
Now I am faced with the choice, to minimize those parts of me. And when faced with that choice, a voice comes on, a super cynical thought/feeling along the lines of “oh you can’t really change. you would just be fooling yourself, lying to yourself. you aren’t so foolish as to think you can really change, are you?” And somehow that thought was enough to browbeat me (me browbeating myself!) into allowing myself to continue expressing that malice rather than minimizing it.
But now I see the reason for that – because by doing so I stay within humanity, I stay within the tribe. But if I actually change… I prove the entire mass of ‘humanity’ wrong! I break away from the tribe – which then is felt as immediately exposing me to danger, if that tribe were to then turn on me.
The answer is a practical one of course: it is trivially easy to blend in and not expose oneself to this actual danger. The amusing thing is that everybody is so self-centered that they just assume everybody else basically thinks and feels like them. When presented with someone whose vibes either don’t exist, or exist but are not sorrowful or malicious, it intuitively registers as a “neutral” or “friend” rather than a threat – so they assume you are like them and there’s no problems.
Finally the fourth piece was seeing how me being in this worse mood negatively impacts my partner and the other people around me. Even if I am not doing anything to express the mood. I will say something neutral in response without intending any malice towards that person, and people will understand from the vibes that I am upset, and then understand my neutral response in the framework of “upset person” and then assume what I said has to do with why I am upset and then try to react accordingly. It is terrible not just for me but for everyone.
So here I am, now propitiously directed back towards the purity of the actual universe, which lies all around, abundant and evident.
(I found a post of mine from 2011 on the DhO about affer-ism (which I thought was actualism), so at least 13 years from first exposure to actualism) ↩︎
I have a drive. I feel like I do not want to abandon that drive, because if I do it would mean I have no purpose. The fact is seen: ‘I’ actually do not have a purpose, just a biologically-inherited instinctual passion to perpetuate this body’s genes and ultimately the species.
The above makes it seem like I want to have a purpose, because there is a reluctance to let go of the drive. However this neatly segues into realizing that there are sensible things I can be doing at work. There are tangible benefits where I am actually needed that would help the company accomplish its goals and lead to financial rewards for me. Yet then I react with this with not wanting to bear the burden of that responsibility of “having” to do those things! But was I not just one minute ago complaining about how I want to have a purpose? Yet when a purpose presents itself, I don’t want it because I don’t want the responsibility!
It is just all silly. Bereft of care and consideration. It’s all sort of a sham, essentially. The path forward is obvious – accept that I am not needed, and appeal to that part of me that actually doesn’t want the responsibility. That part of me will benefit from not “having” to do anything! Then I can allow sensible things to get done, which is the natural state of affairs when I do not get in the way .
Then it is win-win: there is no burden of responsibility, and the sensible things get done while I am free to enjoy what is happening. The things ‘I’ want to do will not necessarily get done, but those instinctually-driven desires do not necessarily make sense. They might – but if they do then it no longer needs to be instinctually-driven but will rather move up into sensible sensate consciousness where they will be evaluated to get done just like any other sensible thing. How delightful and easy
I have been contemplating this very same thing lately. There is the drive which is ‘me’ and this is usually spent on various dramas which are available within ‘humanity’. It can be turned into various aspects of one’s identity such as career, parenthood, hobbies etc and then this gives one a sense of purpose, what this ‘sense of purpose’ really is about though is escaping from being ‘me’, it is a distraction from what ‘my’ ground of ‘being’ is all about, which is being forever separated from the actual.
So even though ‘I’ resent having to play this game of being a social identity, ‘I’ still choose it over the unbearable alternative.
What I am considering though is the benefit of committing wholly to being an Actualist. As in to channel all of that drive into the 1 aspect of ‘my’ identity which can deliver the goods. ‘I’ will be an identity until ‘I’ am no more, and usually ‘I’ split myself between all these various identities, all pointing in different directions.
It’s like ‘I’ am a part time Actualist, part time boyfriend, part time employee etc. and ‘I’ am trying somehow to make all of those aspects work together, to tick all boxes at once.
What happens though is that all those other aspects of ‘me’ are straining to pull ‘me’ back towards ‘humanity’, to remain an identity at all costs. Furthermore ‘I’ end up fragmented between different goals, one’s pointing in completely different directions.
It seems to me that there is only 1 way to make it work, which is to commit all of ‘oneself’ to being an Actualist. That is to say that last piece of pizza is an actualist through and through, until ‘he’ disappears in ‘his’ entirety.
I completely understand what you are pointing out. But perhaps the phrasing is problematic. Is it not rather that the commitment to actual freedom must be integrated into each of the different identities? Let’s say that rather than pitting one identity against the others, what it would be about is incubating pure intent in each part. “I have an identity as a boyfriend/partner, etc…” am I 100% committed to living that condition in actual terms? To not leave anything under the rug in that identity process? I have a job, with a certain position, responsibility, corporate identity, etc. Do I live every moment while performing that function in the happiest and most innocuous way possible? I am the son of parents, the brother of brothers…do I live every moment with them in the purest and most pristine way? Do I give them 100% of my attention when I am with them, enjoying them as autonomous human beings?
What I mean is that it could be confusing to adopt the actualist identity, as if that were also truly possible, because it is a commitment, a practice, a mode of attention and affective (until it is done) experience (with appreciation and enjoyment) that must traverse all possible existences or identities that I can have. That is to say, it is not something that can be pigeonholed into a series of principles that, when fulfilled, are checked. There is or there is no conection with pure intent. There is or there is no commitment. I feel good, excellent, or bad, whoever I am and whatever role I am playing, etc. In other words: I cannot be an actualist for part time, I can only always be in this only moment of being alive, whatever part of the identity is operating…let’s play it, but towards actual freedom. Don’t know if it helps!
So I have been considering this since yesterday and I still find myself disagreeing with this one. I have been trying to pinpoint exactly what it is, so here it goes.
So the difference seems that what I am suggesting is to take all that commitment which I usually invest in the various roles and identities and instead turn it towards the commitment towards actual freedom as a priority. Which means enjoyment and appreciation comes first, everything else falls on a ‘it doesn’t ultimately matter’ basis.
Your suggestion is to incubate each aspect of one’s identity with pure intent and then take this all the way through to an actual freedom.
The problem as I see it is that the second approach will inevitably hit a wall, because I am trying to make the purity and perfection fit a mould which exists only in ‘reality’. In a sense I am working back to front, I am asking actuality to fit ‘my’ various roles and identities, and inevitably the whole endeavour is crippled.
This is because those various roles and identities have goals and agendas which are ultimately at odds with actuality. What happens is those things which are ‘human’ end up blocking the experience of that which is outside of ‘humanity’.
When one’s connection to pure intent is active it is not that those roles and identities have been fixed from the inside by the perfection and purity, it is rather that pure intent makes those roles and identities redundant, when advised by the perfection and purity ‘I’ am able to operate outside of that mould.
It seems that in trying to go ‘through’ those identities one makes the same category of error that we saw in the ‘rift’ thread, where one tries to smuggle some ‘humanity’ into actuality. Whenever I experience a PCE I am always blown away by how magical it is, as in the actual world has not a trace of anything that is ‘human’ left, hence why it is experienced to be a fairytale like world. What I have observed in myself is that any trace of that which is ‘human’ is what stands in the way of experiencing the magical world that is the actual world.
By the same token any investment into those roles and identities which exist only in ‘reality’ will be inevitably at odds with the commitment towards ending ‘humanity’ as a whole, because those roles and identities will be annihilated by such a step. It reminds me of Devika asking Richard to allow love into actual freedom, she wanted to save 1 aspect of ‘humanity’ and in doing so she saved the whole sorry lot.
So what I am interested in is whether this attempt to incubate pure intent into the different identities and then go through them all the way into actual freedom is really just a clever way for ‘me’ to keep them alive, to save them, and in doing so the entire package is ultimately retained.
Furthermore even in terms of the application of the method, of enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive, this in itself is already at odds with the goals and agendas of those roles and identities. For example if ‘I’ attempt the goal of being the best employee am ‘I’ not at the same time honouring the commitment towards all those values which the company holds, and perennial enjoyment and appreciation will not be in their top 3 list . Or when ‘I’ attempt to be the best boyfriend/husband am I not at the same time honouring the commitment to sorrow when the relationship is threatened. Of course I could try to purify those roles and identities, to fix them from the inside, but why? @Felix wrote the other day how eventually feeling good is seen for a value in itself, this is what would squarely fall under the commitment to being an actualist. Whereas those roles and identities which exist in ‘reality’ have no interest in feeling good as a value in itself, this is the last on their line of priorities. So taking this crippling effect into account why would I want to go through them other than as a cunning attempt to save them?
Also I wonder if this is to do with where one is at in general, I remember that at a certain point when I began having some success with the method and I switched from being a stressed and miserable individual to all of a sudden being able to function in the marketplace with relative ease, that I almost had this ‘second wind’ of trying to win at being ‘normal’. Because ‘I’ was no longer crippled by emotion ‘I’ was able to accomplish all those things which ‘I’ never could before. This was very much like what you are describing, that those roles and identities were now super charged. But where I find myself lately is that as I wrote above, this eventually hits a wall.
I think @Kub933 is on the right track with this one.
Being ‘me’ is really a burden – and what ‘I’ am is a combination of all those various identities and personas (it is a myth that ‘I’ am ‘one’ persona, ‘I’ actually chimerically shift between different personas without even realizing it, and this seems to be common to everyone though perhaps some to a larger degree than others. I have a distinct memory of my usually very stoic, commanding, and consistently-persona’d business partner, watching him interact with his wife on and be flushed with a very obvious love and affection that suffused his whole demeanor.).
The startling freedom that makes joy readily available is from no longer having to maintain or ‘be’ any of those identities. When it all disappears as in a PCE, the difference is so palpable and tangible.
When a feeling-being, I can “see” that on the “other side”, once I am no longer having to maintain those identities, will be that palpable freedom and joy.
So why not “just do it”? What obviously stops ‘me’ is fear – fear of what will happen when ‘I’ am not around to control things.
So it seems the prudent approach is to accept the goal (self-immolation) and commit to doing the very best next sensible step I possibly can, which depending on where I am will either be: get back to neutral, get to feeling good, enjoy & appreciate feeling good, get to feeling great/excellent, increasingly allow the purity to operate, allow myself to let the controls be let go of, … and that’s as far as I have gotten so far
I did not want to propose, for any reason, that we bring these various identities to their best realization, quite the opposite. Rather, by incorporating appreciation and enjoyment into the dynamic of each of them, we begin to dismantle them. Until they are no longer necessary. Exactly this as a result:
Is in that same sense that it made me noise to think of an actualist identity, that competes or supersedes the others, when rather we are in the process of weakening all of them. I suppose that the only truly substantial thing, when pointing an “actualist identity”, is the commitment to go to the end, whatever happens, with absolute sincerity and allowing pure intent to operate as much as possible. So that commitment have to be stronger than any other identity goal. Without a doubt, fear is the final barrier to completely disappear.
What I am noticing here lately is that this commitment is ultimately a commitment to enjoyment and appreciation, it makes sense now why the method is enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive, the end and the means to the end are the same thing.
This enjoyment and appreciation starts with feeling good (an affective enjoyment and appreciation), and it becomes progressively cleaner as one allows more of the perfection and purity of the actual to shine through, eventually this becomes a pure consciousness experience, where there is direct experience of the perfection and purity, and of course there is enjoyment and appreciation, only enjoyment and appreciation at that point.
So it starts with an imitative enjoyment and appreciation and goes all the way through to an actual enjoyment and appreciation, but all the way through it is enjoyment and appreciation.
I am finding lately that those other ‘identity commitments’ are indeed falling away, it can be a little disorientating initially, this sense of “what now then?” And of course the answer is - enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive, that is the thing to be done until that is the only thing left. If I allow this I find myself drawn into experiences of exquisite purity, it’s like the entire world is a shining jewel and there is nothing else to be done but to enjoy and appreciate, and of course from that vantage point the method makes a lot of sense.
It is quite a big thing to allow though, that without ‘me’ there is only that shining jewel left, there is only enjoyment and appreciation, there is only perfection and purity, and one could not possibly get away from it as one is always here and it is already now, in a sense for ‘me’ to be considering this is like madness by delight
Maybe I am starting to see what Richard’s writings were pointing to, that if one were to proceed without some acclimatisation one could go mad with the amount of delight pouring forth.
In fact I had 2 funny experiences like that lately. One was when I was squarely in excellence and I ate some grade 5 (strongest) blue cheese, and man it was intense! It was a bit too much but it was not an affective experience, it was a sensate experience.
The other was yesterday when I was sparring and I was very hot and thirsty, I went into the bathroom to drink some tap water out of the sink to cool down, the experience all of sudden flipped into a direct experience and I was blown away by how satisfying it all was, to actually experience all those sensations happening. It’s more satisfaction than ‘I’ could ever dream of and I was drinking tap water out of the sink
Talking with someone at length, I came to see that I actually have no responsibility whatsoever to change anybody’s mind!
I have no responsibility, or burden, to even change the world. ‘I’ cannot do it anyway. This is remarkably freeing.
What I can do is the very best, which is existing in the most harmonious and felicitous manner possible given the world is as it is and people as they are (which entails deep flaws and utter horrors and unbelievable madness) – and present facts and opinions to people as it may happen, and thereby give anyone I come in contact with the best chance they can have to perk up and take in what is being presented if it interests them.
And there’s really nothing else other than that! No responsibility whatsoever, how very freeing
This also means, of course, that ‘I’ do not need to be in control for this…
I am pleased to report that as of August 20th, an out-from-control virtual freedom has resumed
It is funny because the current experience is such that I had been out-from-control the entire time. But until it resumed, my experience of myself certainly wasn’t that I was out-from-control the whole time. But it is odd because I wouldn’t say this experience of having been out-from-control the entire time is misinforming me in any way… but I remember that it wasn’t like that. I remember Richard saying something to me like, once you are actually free your experience is like you have been like that your entire life. I said something like, but that is very strange because you weren’t like that your entire life – and he agreed that it is very strange (he emphasized the “very strange”).
I wrote as much to Vineeto, and she wrote back on August 21st:
And, referring to what Richard told me:
I am finding that it’s actually remarkably straightforward to impart actualism to my fellow human beings, even if they are not actualists.
One particularly mirificient occasion was when a fellow human being reported to me that they found it was not worth their emotional energy to continue being upset about a situation. I agreed with them, and pointed out how not only is it better for their own life, but it’s also better for the lives of everybody around them, as the effects of being upset percolate into the lives of everyone they interact with (such as by talking about it with others and it affecting their moods).
Then I said how it’s actually a key part of actualism (I had discussed actualism with them in the past), that being happy is actually not a self-centered thing, but a selfless thing to do. They weren’t sure what I meant. So then I pointed out how in order to stop being upset, you have to give up a part of ‘yourself’ – that part of ‘you’ that is upset – in order to allow feeling good to eventuate. And much to my delight, they saw exactly what I meant!
Then they brought up the immediate point, which is very relevant, of what is known in the “Burning Man” culture as a “glitter fairy” (or something like this). This is a person who is completely unaware of the impact of their own actions – they are just frolicking about, littering and disturbing the environment, but they themselves are having a good time. Is this person not being happy yet also remarkably selfish?
First I ruled out the possibility of them being “clueless”. I said pretty soon after somebody does someone will inform them that their actions are disturbing people. After that, they can no longer claim to be clueless. Then I pointed out how they are actually being inconsiderate, and how with actualism the goal is not just to be happy but to be happy and harmless. This, then, is truly selfless.
And they understood the point! They really fully got it. What a wonderful thing!
Another recent occasion was when discussing God with some fellow human beings. They said that they don’t believe in the God as in a Christian God in a religious/church sense, but that there is “something” out there that they believe in that they call God. This was in the context of me saying how people need something outside of themselves to not go off the rails.
I said that I found that “God” is actually redundant, because there is the universe which already exists, and already exists outside of anybody. And not only that but it is infinite, eternal, “all-powerful” in a sense… so there is no need for a “God”. And they got the point and said that that is a wonderful way to put it!
What I am also particularly delighting in is having ‘challenging’ conversations, ones with emotional conflict, with a vastly reduced emotional charge from my part. I find that when somebody isn’t understanding my point, and they react in a defensive or even offensive way, or even just in a disagreeable way, which would previously often upset me or cause me to converse more aggressively – now instead I am able to just “stop” and let the fact of the dispute exist on its own. I don’t need to express that emotional energy anymore. Instead it just sits there… and I find often I don’t really know what to say next. In the past this would be uncomfortable and I think this contributed to my lashing out aggressively in the past. But now I can just let the fact of the situation sink in for all. More often than not, the other person “recoups” and then says something, some follow-up, that allows the conversation to proceed towards a mutual understanding and agreement. Or after some pause I will think of something else to say. Or we will just move on to another topic! Why not?
Writing this out I appreciate just how much positive and beneficial impact a happy and harmless person can have on the people they interact with on a regular basis. Really this is not just for me, but for everyone.
That’s fascinating because it is also what I have observed in myself recently. I had a conversation with my mum the other day after which she said that I was being confrontational and was worried that I was also just as confrontational towards @Sonyaxx. It was delightful to be able to reply that I am at times even more ‘confrontational’ with Sonya, to which Sonya replied that she appreciates this.
I notice this in my general dealings with others too, that I am now able to be frank and direct, this doesn’t mean that I am insensitive or aggressive (what others would call confrontational) but rather that I simply wish to get to the facts of the matter.
I was contemplating this recent change and I notice that I am only able to be direct because I am virtually harmless, as in I do not have to go by the ‘rules of the game’ because there is virtually no malice which needs to be kept at bay. There are times when various emotions come up, but it is this ‘crippling effect’ that I described in my journal (Kub933's Journal - #1110 by Kub933), where they cannot turn into a mood.
The interesting thing here is that the meaning of the word harmless has been flipped upside down to what it would be understood as within ‘humanity’. Because within ‘humanity’ the one who is harmless is the one who can honour and respect the feelings of another (whilst completely disregarding the actual consequences of their actions).
Whereas I have no problem with what others would call ‘being confrontational’ if the situation necessitates it and if it actually assists a fellow human being in seeing the harm in what they are doing (both to themselves and others). Essentially what I am totally interested in is the actual consequences of one’s actions and what I am no longer interested in is optimising for one’s emotions in one way or another.
And of course what Richard did in going online with his journal and corresponding on the AFT would be seen through the eyes of ‘humanity’ as extremely confrontational and yet all those ‘holy cows’ needed to be exposed for what they are.
But it is a fascinating change to observe because it is something that would be urged against by all the societal conditioning (the morals and ethics) and for good reason too! I notice I am able to allow this way of operating only because of where I find myself experientially, it is the ongoing virtual absence of sorrow and malice which grants the confidence to operate in this way.
What I also find fascinating here is that this seems to be a necessary step, as in it is necessary to see that both ‘me’ and ‘humanity’ are rotten to the very core and as such one has the confidence to end both ‘me’ and ‘humanity’.
It seems this seeing of what harmlessness is actually all about is a step along this process, as in it is the clear and total seeing of the actual harm caused by ‘me’ and ‘humanity’ which takes precedence. And of course there is no longer any interest in maintaining the status quo in order to optimise for emotions.
Because at the end of the day no other ‘entity’ will grant ‘me’ the go ahead to self-immolate. It is a unilateral action because it requires going against the whole thrust of ‘humanity’. If one is to be a total traitor to ‘humanity’ there needs to be a complete confidence in this course of action being actually beneficial.
One is doing it for this body, that body and everybody.
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