Chrono: I have often experienced this “another place” and “another time” as if being at the periphery or almost at the corner of my eye. Like a ‘so close yet so far’ feeling. I experience it most often in the morning and I usually attribute it to not being able to “play” as I did when I was a kid. I am being reminded of how the world was a full playground back then. There’s that melancholic feeling filled also with a loneliness because it also feels like I’m in a world filled with grim adults as well (which identities also help keep this feeling in place). It’s like I am being grim as well because they are conveying thru their feelings that that is what you’re supposed to do. So by going my own way, I’d be having fun by myself (or so the feeling conveys). I’m reminded of where Richard writes that the root cause of sorrow is due to ‘me’ being locked out of the actual world.
Relatedly, I had this realization a few days ago that all communication between identities seems to be happening thru vibes and currents. It was like the words and behaviors were just accessories and didn’t ultimately matter. The whole point was to transmit ‘me’ to other ‘me’. Which transmitting is to show that ‘I’ exist. It’s like everyone is vying to show that they exist.
Hi Chrono,
Having come to this point where you, “most often in the morning”, experience “this ‘another place’ and ‘another time’ as if being at the periphery or almost at the corner of my eye”, isn’t it time to gather the courage and allow this “periphery” to come closer and closer, and to allow this “another place” to become here and this “another time” to be now, rather than circling forever around the mulberry bush with oh so familiar feelings of “loneliness”, melancholy and nostalgia. There is an actual world, right under your nose, if only you dare to step into it. You can play like a kid (with adult sensibilities now) if only you allow yourself to do so.
Chrono: I have this desire to live it 24/7 but simultaneously when confronted with that permanence it gives me a melancholic feeling again that ‘I’ have to die for it. And perhaps that’s a way for ‘me’ to stay in existence. The objection sometimes also changes to ‘I have to protect this body’. And perhaps I feel that the most to my core. I especially feel it when confronted with aggressive vibes at work or even in the news.
Now that I am thinking more as I am writing this, I think my approach may be the problem. I didn’t experience this when I was overflowing with feeling good and delight.
But with all that said, I am feeling better now than I did prior. (link)
Can you see how you change the topic from daring to be playful and naïve now into “live it 24/7” and then “that ‘I’ have to die for it”? You divert to another set of feelings which, when you follow this lead, will prevent you to take the first step to feeling good now and to allow this playfulness and naiveté now, which in the mornings seems so close, and let it fade away back to the grim world of adults.
It is your choice and you are the one who has to make that choice and then act on it. Of course, there are all these bittersweet and/or apprehensive feelings to lure you away but you explored them all well enough and know for certain that they lead to more of the same. So why not decline those affective arbiters of procrastination (it’s called nipping them in the bud) and dare to feel good, dare to play, dare to be naïve, each day again … and dare to allow a PCE?
If others can do it, as the reports from the convivium demonstrate, so can you.
Cheers Vineeto