I am finding all the writing as of late very inspiring! The emphasis on appreciation is very much a game changer. Like some others, I wasn’t paying attention to that word and how much up-leveling it can do to feeling good. All the way to feeling the sweetness! There was an experience that I had while trying it out. An experience that I only had once before when I was reading a particular story that Richard wrote.
Firstly, it was Claudiu’s very clear post some time ago on trying it out for yourself that made it happen. So thanks for the effort you put into your writing. I was actually feeling bad while reading that post. But I wanted to try it out. So I set aside the reason for just a minute and felt good. Then I started thinking about how it feels good to just feel good. I got a sense of ‘this is precious’. I continued thinking on it and it turned into a ‘wow it’s amazing to be alive’. I’m not able to quite convey it with words, but it was so amazing to just be alive that I thought ‘everyone deserves this’. It really made me think ‘could I really live like this forever’? Then it occurred to me that this experience is actually a moment away at anytime I want. In fact I can do it right now as I write this. And I know this may sound crazy, but instead of going fully into it, I have been thinking every day if I should because of some objections that keep coming up.
My feeling bad stemmed from how I become in relationships. I’m not sure if it’s trauma or if it is how I am but I always become very insecure and afraid my partner will abandon me. It’s an all pervasive feeling and I can only describe it as hell. The worst feeling in the world. I’m currently in a relationship and it’s at that point despite my partner not having done anything for me to feel this way. My main objection then is that I will lose my partner if I feel good all the time. It’s like I have to be ever-vigilant. How will I have a relationship? The only thing that doesn’t send me spiraling into it is that I have this sense that I can feel good anytime I want to that’s stayed with me. All of this sounds insane as I write it actually. I’ll have to think on it more 
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