Haha I been next in line since 2014 or so. Gotta get off 'er my ass and do it…
Adding to what was said by @emp, I would be cautious about applying @jamesjjoo advice, as I explained in these two posts:
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Pieces of the puzzle falling into place.
It felt like this abstract maze I was navigating, but Claudiu’s words about the AF advice not possibly being any clearer than it is was an a-ha moment.
Keep reading, feel good, identify what’s not making me feel good, practically address that, identify negative emotions and practically address that, find out about PCE’s, have PCE’s. Wash rinse repeat.
Dots will keep connecting along the way.
Even if I dont get to basic or actual freedom, at least my life will be great, and I’d have learnt to feel fucking amazing pretty much all the time.
I was looking into meditation methods, and one that seemed supremely effective was TWIM - which was basically loving kindness meditation i.e. just feel good, if mind wanders and contraction is felt, recognise and release contraction and get back to feeling good.
Feeling and doing good is the key.
Passivity, avoidance, self referential thinking thats not practically useful, being a dick, buying into negative thought spirals, engaging in harmful behaviours, etc etc takes me 180 degrees from goal.
Ruthlessly identify what’s making me feel not so good, and address it.
Not from a seeking, grasping, insecure place of micromanaging and control seeking, but to keep the ship flying solidly further into feel good territory.
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I don’t recall offering any advice. What I’ve noticed lately is I don’t take anyone’s advice.
I think this sounds good, the only other thing I would say is to also begin to distinguish between the ‘good’ feelings and the felicitous/innocuous feelings. There is lots on the AFT which addresses this difference and it is an important difference.
The felicitous/innocuous feelings are the closest imitation of the actual and also they are they most ‘stable’ ones.
The ‘good’ feelings (love, bliss, compassion, gratitude etc) as seductive as they are - they not only support the sense of ‘self’ but they also keep the ‘bad’ feelings alive, they are the flip side of the same coin. As in gratitude keeps resentment subliminally alive, or compassion keeps sorrow subliminally alive etc.
The felicitous/innocuous feelings also have the potential of leading one into wonder, delight and marvel at being here and this can be but a step away from a PCE happening.
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Oh, I simply referred to this comment/tip/observation as “advice”:
Second what Kuba said. Differentiating happiness/harmlessness from good feelings and even a moralistic approach to happiness is key.
Another hardish thing for you will be leaving spirituality behind. When I first encountered AF, I was reluctant to do this. It was a sunk costs issue. I had spent a few years meditating and had accumulated what I thought was ‘wisdom’ and also a small library of books. Then I also had a hard time believing AF was truly unique and unrelated to spirituality. I took some convincing, but until I set spirituality aside, it was like driving with the brakes on. It was only when I threw myself ‘all in’ that things really started to take off.
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@Miguel Ok, I didn’t mean to say that as advice. I was talking about my own experience. Actually, I do listen to your advice. You have given me some sensible advice.
Did some reflection and realised I’m in a good place already, and I’d like to think I’m feeling about 90-95% of the time, and work on whittling that 5-10% down.
I’ve made a shit ton of progress, don’t go on another seeking runaround BUT reach a happy healthy compromise.
Which is to keep on the path I’m going, BUT not to go gung ho for actual or even basic freedom or killing the feeling being - this could take years.
I guess instead to not throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Healthy compromise - renewed focus on feeling Good, identify part of my life that are not so good that need fixing to get better and do the practical fixing, identify emotions that get me down and practically resolve them (EMDR, or EFT or even journaling), find out about PCE’s and get to having them, learn more about actualism.
Put the Actual or Basic freedom getting rid of feeling being self immolation goal on the side, learn to crawl before I can walk.
I see what superficially looks like a lot of torment here, with not reaching AF goals, and I started getting it over the last couple of days. I feel even Srinath has a large amount of that seeking (contracted?) energy still.
I can’t go back to making my present moment come second best to some arbitrary future moment where I might be basically or actually free.
DO the work it takes to feel Good, can’t say I’m feeling good if there are several (eminently addressable) issues in my life that take away from those good feelings.
Basically solve problems upstream, and put systems into place so things that absolutely need to get done (i.e. if they dont, I get into trouble), and address the handful of themes in my life that drain my energy and mood.
Take care of the pennies, and the pounds will take care of themselves.
Bub, sounds like you’ve made up your mind. If so, all the best. We’ll be here if ever things change and you want to give this another crack.
A couple of things though. You do seem to have come into this with a somewhat heroic and achievement heavy mindset yourself:
I do think that this muscular attitude has the potential to burn you out or at least leaving you feeling disappointed. Maybe you know this is a tendency of yours – which actualism might make worse with its emphasis on feeling good, PCE’s and ultimately self-immolation. Fair enough. It does take a while to let go of outcome/achievement with actualism, while simultaneously making the process come alive for oneself in a way that ensures one will persist and succeed.
Your cup sounds quite full at the moment. It will need to be emptied if you are going to be able to take any of this stuff in – as I said in my previous post. But yeah, you don’t want to junk your existing OS along with all your toys and devices, which is also understandable 
Especially if you think it is doing a decent enough job. If that changes, let us know.
I deleted achievement oriented attitude sentence from my post - but you know me too well.
In my old age, and humility, I doubt I can achieve very much at all.
Hence my focus on just bare minimum basics - eat, sleep, exercise, get basic admin and jobs done, solve problems upstream, ONE creative endeavour at a time.
I WILL stick with Actualism, maybe not the self immolation - but just simple and humble beginnings - find out more about it, feel good in the present moment, try the PCE shtick, and work on cutting down whats not making me feel good.
I’m thinking of starting a journal on here - not a self absorbed waffle, but specifics as to how I’m applying feeling good and addressing not feeling good and PCE attempts in my life.
You’re right about cup being full and I’m doing other stuff that can be counterproductive with actualism.
I’ll stick with the two ten day retreats I’m doing, and some direct path work. Though I now have serious misgivings about it - because I’m more taken by what Richard says, this body and world is whats real not that dream world the spiritualists keep saying is the real deal.
However I do feel my focus which ever way it is, my focus has to be on feeling good as much of the time as possible, and practically address what gets in the way of that. All roads point to that waypoint.
Once I’m feeling as good as much of the time as possible, have negative themes and emotions addressed and have systems running on autopilot, have banked a few PCE’s, learnt a bit more about actualism, I can then shelve other spiritual and metaphysical pursuits and go all out towards AF, or at least BF.
Thanks for your help, bub, a lot of things fell into place for me these past couple of days.
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So, I was wrong. Your narcissist goals reduced your interaction to 4 days. I was over generous with the prediction of a week.
What you don’t realise is, you just bounced off the single most significant thing to happen in the human experience in at least 5000 years.
I was harsh because I recognised you.
It’s not that I have anything against you personally, it that you so quickly reduced actualism to another thing you can tick of a list.
I will give you props that indeed you did quickly get to the crux of actualism; self immolation.
The end of the root cause of human suffering.
If you do indeed have the insight, from your own life of deep trauma ( I know you have suffered a lot), that an end to the trauma and pain of the world is needed, it’s unlikely that a more talented person than you could have come across actualism.
Either way, I for one am not begging you, I am rather daring you.
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I’m double daring you to practice what you preach.
It will be tiresome replying to you because there will be little to no value in what you say, and you’re far from happy and harmless and appreciating the present moment.
Quite the opposite in fact, a miserable complaining full of negative feeling being absolutely not averse to spreading the non love.
So back to square one - double dare to practice what you preach.
Because the way you are right now, if the world were filled with people like you it would be far far nastier - not the utopia that an AF filled world would be. Because your actions are the opposite of what AF strongly suggests.
I’m surprised the nice people on here swallow all your self pitying guff instead of asking you to take responsibility and do what Actualism suggests.
It’s simple really - happy. harmless. appreciating the present moment.
Which again quite simply means, no unhappiness, no harmfulness, no complaining about the present moment.
And please dont reply on any of my posts, not because I dont like you - I feel a sadness about you and what youve been through when I think of you, but replying to trolls is tedious, feeding them makes them feel alive and very little of practical value you would come back with.