@bub Yes bub I think you are right, one also needs to focus on the senses to get to a pce. I had not seen it exactly that way when I wrote that but from what you said it has helped me to immediately shift my focus to the senses and see that this is what is needed.
The cool thing is that your friend @Srinath has indeed done what we are all here to do!
I’m not sure Srinath has fully self immolated, don’t think he’s in a PCE all the time, and don’t think he feels good ALL the time.
He’s discussed with me about getting to actual freedom, but also not quite the full self immolation.
He’s got the usual spouse, kids, financial issues most people deal with.
The difference is that prior to actual freedom one is still a ‘feeling being’ which means that one will inevitably be feeling something at all times, this is how a ‘feeling being’ experiences life. After actual freedom there is no longer a ‘feeling being’ inside this body and so there are no longer any feelings at all, but neither is there a ‘self’ to have any feelings to begin with.
Apart from lofty individuals, like Richard, Vineeto, Peter - I’m not seeing anyone who’s done this. Which is not to say it isn’t possible.
BUT keeping an open mind and working through my doubts and learning as much as I can.
Then the experience of life is marked by the same perfection and purity which is gleaned in a PCE, however this becomes one’s ongoing and permanent experience.
I hear it, but not seeing it in anyone here. Not a criticism, and something most of you would agree with.
So the descriptions of how life is experienced before and after actual freedom will have some key differences. For those of us who have not reached actual freedom yet the way is quite simple - as ‘I’ cannot help but experience life via feelings, ‘I’ set the standard of experiencing as feeing good each moment again, this is done to imitate to the closest extent possible what is seen to be possible in the PCE, or what it is like on an ongoing basis for your friend
My friend hasnt discussed anything like constant PCE with me, and he’s kept me up to speed with most of his interests, insights and progress along the years. But who knows, maybe I’m wrong.
This setting the standard of feeling good in each moment sounds like the first step. Thanks for this.
So to sum up, prior to actual freedom ‘I’ do my best to imitate the perfection and purity of the actual world by feeling as happy and harmless as humanly possible each moment again, whereas after actual freedom there is no longer a ‘feeling being’ inside this body and so there is only the direct experience of the perfection and purity of the actual world, as is briefly experienced in a PCE.
I’m going to put the work into self immolation and dissolve the feeling being.
Advaita says there is no dissolving ego, because there is nothing to dissolve. AF appears to say there is a feeling being that can definitely be immolated.
The other thing I would add is that feeling good 100% of the time has not been documented with the actualism method, instead what is advised (and this is a condition that some of the other pioneers lived for extended periods of time) is to aim for a virtual freedom. Where through habituation ‘I’ get to a point where ‘I’ am feeling good for 99% of the time, and the other 1% does not cause any significant issues.
The 1% difference is there because as long as the ‘feeling being’ is in existence there will always be potential for other feelings to happen.
Of course, life and circumstances can happen.
Although as far as I am aware we do not have anyone at this forum currently living this
Thanks for your honesty.
I have personally gone from being a pretty miserable and sharp individual to feeling good for a large portion of each day, and feeling bad becoming something that happens less and less frequently and is dealt with more and more easily.
Amen brother 
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Bub, welcome aboard. I can see you’ve been busy 
This sort of dialogue where you go back and forth between people on this forum and co-relate it with what you read on the AFT, will slowly give you a clearer and clearer picture of what actualism and actual freedom are. But beyond this intellectual understanding you’ll need to have your own experiences and PCE’s. Towards that end I’d recommend at least temporarily shelving, bracketing or dropping everything you’ve learned so far about Buddhism, advaita, neo-advaita, end of seeking, Finders course and so on – otherwise you’ll be mixing mutually incompatible methods and just end up getting confused and going nowhere.
There is no such thing as a ‘partial self-immolation’. It’s an all or nothing thing. But there is a difference between a basic (also called ‘newly free’ or ‘peace on earth AF’) and a full (also called ‘meaning of life’) actual freedom. As far as we know only Richard and Vineeto are fully actually free. Peter as well as the rest of us muppets are basically free! Like a full freedom, a basic freedom is characterised by an absence of feeling being and emotions – but unlike a full freedom it is liable to being clouded from time to time by the circumstances of life as you’ve mentioned. Also unlike a full freedom round-the-clock awareness of infinitude and apperception (PCE like clarity and directness of experiencing) are absent in a basic freedom – and social identity issues are present.
http://actualfreedom.com.au/actualism/vineeto/actualvineeto/alan.htm
Unlike a feeling being, a basically free person has the kind of access to apperception that is relatively unfettered seeing that he/she is already living the PCE and has no emotional self anymore that has to go into abeyance. But due to social identity issues one ‘forgets’ one is already the embodiment of purity and innocence in a way. That’s my experience currently. One thing that remains startlingly evident though, is that an entire stratum of experience has permanently gone for me i.e. the feeling stratum, Being, my weighty centre of gravity for most of my life. And this is clear even when there is the occasional diminishment in my access to actuality, the occasional setback or when I’m not at 100% apperception.
The above may be confusing. I don’t think its possible to fully appreciate this curious situation above until one is basically free – otherwise one makes the mistake of equating different levels that look superficially similar e.g. ‘Srinath can be affected by the vagaries of life and so can I, we are the same!’ – sort of logic. I know that I was prone to those sorts of conclusions on meeting actually free people too prior to AF.
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Wow this is fascinating thanks for sharing @Srinath. As you say it’s pretty difficult to understand your experiencing without the experience of living in actual freedom myself.
It’s really fascinating to me what you write about the social identity clouding your experiencing to a level that at times can be not quite as pristine as the PCE (if I understood you correctly).
Actually it’s kind of refreshing 
It makes it seems somewhat more doable haha.
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And I’m surprised you’re surprised 
I and others have been talking about this for a few years now - at least since the time of that Vineeto reply to Alan. But I guess it isn’t something that comes up often so fair enough. Bears repeating then perhaps.
Tbh I’m not sure how useful or useless this info. is prior to self-immolation. But I did want to try and clarify matters. The danger is that you’re left to imagine what it’s like to be basically or fully free from your vantage point of a feeling being. You’re better off simply staying with your own experience. This doesn’t change the process of self-immolation in any way.
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Indeed! You can’t do anything about the events in your life having ups and downs. You don’t have total ultimate control over your circumstances. But you will come to see that you do always have a choice how you react to or feel about life’s ups and downs.
Sounds like there’s a lot more space given to Free Will with AF as opposed to advaita, or neuroscience.
This is one of the key revolutionary paradigm-shifting aspects of actualism – you see that it is always your choice, and your choice alone, how you experience being alive. You can’t control that someone cuts you off in traffic – but you can choose whether to get upset about this, or whether to not let it diminsh even the tiniest bit from your enjoyment of being alive.
React vs respond.
This is really difficult to grasp and see that this is how it is in its totality. It took me many years! But it should be easy to see that you at least have somewhat of a choice. I always thought of it like comparing different people reacting to the same situation. Some people yell when they’re caught in traffic, or are sad when it rains – for others it doesn’t affect them at all (though other things do). So it’s easy to see it’s at least somewhat of a personal choice.
I tend to respond most of the time, just a couple of times in a week, or even a month that I might get irritable for a few seconds.
Sometimes carry emotions for a few hours, but much shorter now with resetting to present moment. Sure, have to be real vs supressing emotions.
As @Kub933 said, as a feeling-being only at most 99.9% has been reported haha. And not by anyone on this forum. Although I have personally experienced multiple days in a row at this 99.9% level!
So 99.9% of 86400 seconds (in a day) is 87 seconds out of ‘phase’.
99% would be 15 minutes out of phase in a day.
I’m at around 90-95% now which means 1-2 hours a day max ever so slightly out of phase. With 1-2 hours a week of annoyance, and 5-10 minutes a fortnight of externally visible irritability.
But when actually free it’s a different matter. But I can’t report on that from experience (yet).
You’re next in line (at least for basic freedom) from what my crystal ball tells me.
Indeed, an actually free person cannot feel bad, because the entity that would be feeling bad – the feeling-being – which is who ‘you’ think and feel ‘yourself’ to be – is gone entirely.
This is a game changer for me, because my current reality tells me that even fully enlightened beings suffering from a degree of anxiety like Ramana Maharishi worrying about his daughter managing after his death.
But it looks like after the complete self immolation pop that happens, the feeling being completely disappears.
Feelings can temporarily come in through the backdoor with decades of social and cultural conditioning, but the prison doors are clearly open and one can walk back out at any time.
But when it’s put this way it’s common to immediately imagine actually free people as robots or zombies. Nothing is further from the truth. It’s just impossible to imagine that “bad” things happening in one’s life wouldn’t take away from one’s experience of the perfection and purity of the universe. The only way to really see this is to have a PCE for yourself.
I’m feeling confident about getting to self immolation, if only someone could tell me how. But not so confident about the PCE bit.
Also note that when actually free you don’t “feel” good, per se. The entire affective faculty is gone along with the ‘self’ and the ‘Self’. But it’s not that it leaves a ‘hole’ in its place, an empty void. Rather it’s the other way around – there is a seamless whole and perfect exquisite experience of being alive (as I have seen in my PCEs) and you see that emotions (including felicitous ones) are what was the ‘hole’ in the first place. Or rather it’s more accurate to say that ‘I’ the feeling-being ‘myself’ was the hole. It’s just that the way ‘I’ as a feeling-being experience being alive is via emotions. There’s no distinction between ‘me’ and ‘my’ emotions – they are one and the same thing. This ‘me’ is what is the hole.
Thanks this is helpful.
Haha these things can be nuanced and tricky. It’s not that “dealing with negative emotions” isn’t a significant part of the process – it certainly can be (the extent to which it is is basically the extent to which you experience negative emotions) – but rather that it’s silly to fear them. Fearing them does not do anything productive. It just adds fear on top of the negative emotion already. Rather it’s about simply letting yourself become aware of them (i.e. not fearing them, not hiding from them, etc…) so that such awareness can lead you back to feeling good (because it’s better to feel good than to feel bad).
Now getting the idea that finding a way to handle or process negative emotions or triggers is a necessary step in the sell immolation and feeling being dissolution process.
That being said, if you take a look at the flowchart again you’ll see that you’ve cherry-picked only half the equation.
You’re right I have. I thought this insecure fear of negative emotions (I was wrong as usual), but completely ignored this chase for feeling good all the time. Because I dont give a fuck about feeling good because I take feeling good pretty much every single minute of every day for granted (okay at least 90-95%).
From the flow-chart there is a ‘trigger’ arrow:
And you will see that what the ‘trigger’ arrow leads to, when not enjoyment and appreciation, is:
i.e. ‘negative emotions’ are only (an equal) half of the equation. The other half are the ‘positive emotions’. So it seems by your words you reveal that you have a bias regarding the negative emotions, as that’s the only thing that you saw when looking at this
.
Yep, bias towards negative feelings, because it seemed to me like people were focused on reducing them, but also felt to be to equally focus on feeling good. But I see there’s a distinction - there’s bad feelings, and good feelings, both of which can be counterproductive and the goal is to work to neutral, or feeling good and PCE’s.
Aye of course. That’s normal. It would be strange if your current reality already was feeling good all of the time.
But that’s where actualism comes in. You see that it’s possible – to at least feel significantly good for 99% of the time – and you can make changes in your life to make it happen. It’s really just a question of whether that’s appealing for you, and if so, the decision to start doing it.
Time to jump from 90-95% to 99%.
From the examples you gave:
- why be unkind to someone in the first place if it diminishes feeling good? And if you have to be “unkind” (eg they are being unreasonable and you have to assert your interests) then why let that necessary course of action take away from feeling good?
One person in their replies to me wasn’t happy and harmless. I felt an inclination to ‘put him in his place’ or as Srinath and my old friends called it ‘bub giving someone a ‘dose’’. Then I read their journals, felt bad for their traumatic upbringing and decided not to reply. Ended up composing a peaceful reply I can still put on. But didn’t want to ‘feed the troll’ as I didn’t think he would offer anything of value but further drama even in response to a peaceful reply.
Even writing the above makes me think oh, now he will see this and reply and come up with drama. And I’m a bit fearful I will give him a ‘dose’. But will ignore any response, least I get drawn into to and fro’s.
It’s the one kind of person at work I cant get along with - can get along with rude people who make sense, kind people who dont make sense, but the rude, senseless peeps who are incapable of a civil response to a civil response my only solution is ignore. I feel the ‘dosing’ bub is 95-99% gone.
I guess the only times I’m very rarely unkind and it’s usually around being a people pleaser, and not being able to give them what they want, them being unhappy at this, and me being unhappy at this that tends to make me snap at them. Again 1-2 times a week or month. More frequent if I’m not exercising or doing what needs to get done.
- why let your feeling good depend on whether your significant other rejects you?
I’m a people pleaser, and seeing a partner unhappy with me makes me feel bad. I’m happy in my own skin yes, but feel my mood affected if others even strangers reject me.
If a friend of years decides to stop speaking to me, I will feel sad.
I’m hoping loss of feeling being or not, Srinath would be sad or at least miss me if my sorry mug wasnt in his life.
- why let your feeling good depend on whether a beautiful stranger rejects you? Isn’t it sill to hand over the reigns of your emotional state over to beautiful strangers?
This makes sense - but I’m allowing myself to feel the disappoinment from the rejection to learn the lesson to do a bit better the next time. No more than an hour or two of disappointment for a great prospect. Less than a second for someone I could care less about.
Then we get into repression and spiritual bypassing - there has to be a healthy way to deal with emotions even if it’s past is as good as not having happened, that self who felt bad doesnt even exist and is programmed to cause all manner of drama, get back in the Now.
I think it’s better to think of it as maximizing feeling good as much as possible, rather than going for 100%. It is always easy to see the next step of how it can be better – rather than trying to live up to a perfect ideal from the start.
That being said it’s not 100% or even 99% for me, but it’s really quite good. At least recently, feeling good has been normal, with dips below it being less common than not, and I clearly see them, they are separated from each other (they don’t all glom together into one ‘oh god this is all awful’), and I can get back to feeling good pretty quickly.
I find for me it goes in periods though. There are periods like this then periods of feeling bad for days in a row. But on a high level looking over the past few years, there is a clear and constant upward trend.
Thanks for the pointer to prioritise feeling good as much as possible versus a percentage tally.
Talk with Srinath more
Ahh, I have a spectacular talent for being annoying. I’d put money on being able to get a rise out of Srinath - loss of feeing being or not. Though for the first time in my life, I’m not confident I’d win that wager.
I’m not going to do it, so lets stick with, okay, Srinath has lost his feeling being and I wont be able to annoy him as I used to.
Peaceful is one thing… but what about actively enjoyable?
Pretty peaceful is a phrase I use often. Actively enjoying is my default state.
The PCE is great because it shows you how it can be, and what to aim for. That being said it isn’t so hard to take joy from conditionally enjoyable things is it? That’s how most people live their lives
Basically use conditional and unconditional to feel delight, but dont get hooked onto them having to be present.
Quite the contrary! That’s not the way to get to a PCE. If you are concentrating or squeezing then you’re going in the wrong direction. This is very critical cause doing this can lead you to an ASC (Altered State of Consciousness) which can superficially sound like the PCE in terms of sensate-only experience, but really the critical component - ‘you’ - are still there in the background. It can be hard to separate the ASCs out from the PCEs at first especially coming from a spiritual background.
The key is that it’s more about feeling good rather than experiencing the senses. If you are feeling good, you’re on the way to the PCE. If you’re feeling great, you’re even closer… if you are simply wondering and marveling at being alive on this verdant paradisical planet, then you are really close! Etc. It’s about how ‘you’ are, not about what senses you experience.
I can feel balls to the wall fantastic on tap. But I have a feeling no matter what i say, it’s not going to approximate the fixed definition of a PCE. That’s okay. I just have to objectively get there and be sure of what it is in the first place, and only way to get there is by actually getting there, and that experience being legitimately validated and not handed out for anything less than a clear PCE.
[> quote=“bub, post:7, topic:768”]
Does physical universe mean I have to immerse myself in the environment around me and appreciate it keep getting that PCE experience, till it’s an almost constant OR possible to feel PCE by just feeling good, and that can be built on.
[/quote]
It should be clear from what I just wrote above, but it’s the latter.
jamesjjoo put up a quote saying it’s the former. But happy to go with either. Basically feel good and tailor that towards PCE state.
Indeed, that’s what I wrote too - “ego-self may be gone” (i.e. “completely unrelated to a egoic self” – since this egoic self is gone) – but “soul-self is still there”. It’s this soul-self that is this awareness you speak of. The soul underlies the ego, comes before it. The ego is built on top of the soul. The soul is the material from which the ego is built. The soul is the seat of the psyche, the seat of ‘your’ emotions. It is who ‘you’ are at the core of ‘your’ ‘being’. This soul is this Awareness, ultimately.
Okay, so this is why people post enlightenment are still attached to feeling beings despite ego dissolution. Theres still the soul/awareness that brings up feelings and emotions.
Yea! The amazing thing will be to watch this unconditional unchanging Awareness that can be accessed at any time, completely disappear along with that which was experiencing it, as you enter a PCE
Looking forward to popping that PCE cherry. 
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Hi @bub and welcome!
Though this isn’t a popular vote (and you seem fully capable of figuring this out yourself) I’ll add my 2 cents to it being the latter as well.
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Haha I been next in line since 2014 or so. Gotta get off 'er my ass and do it…
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Adding to what was said by @emp, I would be cautious about applying @jamesjjoo advice, as I explained in these two posts:
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Pieces of the puzzle falling into place.
It felt like this abstract maze I was navigating, but Claudiu’s words about the AF advice not possibly being any clearer than it is was an a-ha moment.
Keep reading, feel good, identify what’s not making me feel good, practically address that, identify negative emotions and practically address that, find out about PCE’s, have PCE’s. Wash rinse repeat.
Dots will keep connecting along the way.
Even if I dont get to basic or actual freedom, at least my life will be great, and I’d have learnt to feel fucking amazing pretty much all the time.
I was looking into meditation methods, and one that seemed supremely effective was TWIM - which was basically loving kindness meditation i.e. just feel good, if mind wanders and contraction is felt, recognise and release contraction and get back to feeling good.
Feeling and doing good is the key.
Passivity, avoidance, self referential thinking thats not practically useful, being a dick, buying into negative thought spirals, engaging in harmful behaviours, etc etc takes me 180 degrees from goal.
Ruthlessly identify what’s making me feel not so good, and address it.
Not from a seeking, grasping, insecure place of micromanaging and control seeking, but to keep the ship flying solidly further into feel good territory.
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I don’t recall offering any advice. What I’ve noticed lately is I don’t take anyone’s advice.
I think this sounds good, the only other thing I would say is to also begin to distinguish between the ‘good’ feelings and the felicitous/innocuous feelings. There is lots on the AFT which addresses this difference and it is an important difference.
The felicitous/innocuous feelings are the closest imitation of the actual and also they are they most ‘stable’ ones.
The ‘good’ feelings (love, bliss, compassion, gratitude etc) as seductive as they are - they not only support the sense of ‘self’ but they also keep the ‘bad’ feelings alive, they are the flip side of the same coin. As in gratitude keeps resentment subliminally alive, or compassion keeps sorrow subliminally alive etc.
The felicitous/innocuous feelings also have the potential of leading one into wonder, delight and marvel at being here and this can be but a step away from a PCE happening.
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Oh, I simply referred to this comment/tip/observation as “advice”:
Second what Kuba said. Differentiating happiness/harmlessness from good feelings and even a moralistic approach to happiness is key.
Another hardish thing for you will be leaving spirituality behind. When I first encountered AF, I was reluctant to do this. It was a sunk costs issue. I had spent a few years meditating and had accumulated what I thought was ‘wisdom’ and also a small library of books. Then I also had a hard time believing AF was truly unique and unrelated to spirituality. I took some convincing, but until I set spirituality aside, it was like driving with the brakes on. It was only when I threw myself ‘all in’ that things really started to take off.
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@Miguel Ok, I didn’t mean to say that as advice. I was talking about my own experience. Actually, I do listen to your advice. You have given me some sensible advice.
Did some reflection and realised I’m in a good place already, and I’d like to think I’m feeling about 90-95% of the time, and work on whittling that 5-10% down.
I’ve made a shit ton of progress, don’t go on another seeking runaround BUT reach a happy healthy compromise.
Which is to keep on the path I’m going, BUT not to go gung ho for actual or even basic freedom or killing the feeling being - this could take years.
I guess instead to not throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Healthy compromise - renewed focus on feeling Good, identify part of my life that are not so good that need fixing to get better and do the practical fixing, identify emotions that get me down and practically resolve them (EMDR, or EFT or even journaling), find out about PCE’s and get to having them, learn more about actualism.
Put the Actual or Basic freedom getting rid of feeling being self immolation goal on the side, learn to crawl before I can walk.
I see what superficially looks like a lot of torment here, with not reaching AF goals, and I started getting it over the last couple of days. I feel even Srinath has a large amount of that seeking (contracted?) energy still.
I can’t go back to making my present moment come second best to some arbitrary future moment where I might be basically or actually free.
DO the work it takes to feel Good, can’t say I’m feeling good if there are several (eminently addressable) issues in my life that take away from those good feelings.
Basically solve problems upstream, and put systems into place so things that absolutely need to get done (i.e. if they dont, I get into trouble), and address the handful of themes in my life that drain my energy and mood.
Take care of the pennies, and the pounds will take care of themselves.
Bub, sounds like you’ve made up your mind. If so, all the best. We’ll be here if ever things change and you want to give this another crack.
A couple of things though. You do seem to have come into this with a somewhat heroic and achievement heavy mindset yourself:
I do think that this muscular attitude has the potential to burn you out or at least leaving you feeling disappointed. Maybe you know this is a tendency of yours – which actualism might make worse with its emphasis on feeling good, PCE’s and ultimately self-immolation. Fair enough. It does take a while to let go of outcome/achievement with actualism, while simultaneously making the process come alive for oneself in a way that ensures one will persist and succeed.
Your cup sounds quite full at the moment. It will need to be emptied if you are going to be able to take any of this stuff in – as I said in my previous post. But yeah, you don’t want to junk your existing OS along with all your toys and devices, which is also understandable Especially if you think it is doing a decent enough job. If that changes, let us know.
I deleted achievement oriented attitude sentence from my post - but you know me too well.
In my old age, and humility, I doubt I can achieve very much at all.
Hence my focus on just bare minimum basics - eat, sleep, exercise, get basic admin and jobs done, solve problems upstream, ONE creative endeavour at a time.
I WILL stick with Actualism, maybe not the self immolation - but just simple and humble beginnings - find out more about it, feel good in the present moment, try the PCE shtick, and work on cutting down whats not making me feel good.
I’m thinking of starting a journal on here - not a self absorbed waffle, but specifics as to how I’m applying feeling good and addressing not feeling good and PCE attempts in my life.
You’re right about cup being full and I’m doing other stuff that can be counterproductive with actualism.
I’ll stick with the two ten day retreats I’m doing, and some direct path work. Though I now have serious misgivings about it - because I’m more taken by what Richard says, this body and world is whats real not that dream world the spiritualists keep saying is the real deal.
However I do feel my focus which ever way it is, my focus has to be on feeling good as much of the time as possible, and practically address what gets in the way of that. All roads point to that waypoint.
Once I’m feeling as good as much of the time as possible, have negative themes and emotions addressed and have systems running on autopilot, have banked a few PCE’s, learnt a bit more about actualism, I can then shelve other spiritual and metaphysical pursuits and go all out towards AF, or at least BF.
Thanks for your help, bub, a lot of things fell into place for me these past couple of days.
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So, I was wrong. Your narcissist goals reduced your interaction to 4 days. I was over generous with the prediction of a week.
What you don’t realise is, you just bounced off the single most significant thing to happen in the human experience in at least 5000 years.
I was harsh because I recognised you.
It’s not that I have anything against you personally, it that you so quickly reduced actualism to another thing you can tick of a list.
I will give you props that indeed you did quickly get to the crux of actualism; self immolation.
The end of the root cause of human suffering.
If you do indeed have the insight, from your own life of deep trauma ( I know you have suffered a lot), that an end to the trauma and pain of the world is needed, it’s unlikely that a more talented person than you could have come across actualism.
Either way, I for one am not begging you, I am rather daring you.
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I’m double daring you to practice what you preach.
It will be tiresome replying to you because there will be little to no value in what you say, and you’re far from happy and harmless and appreciating the present moment.
Quite the opposite in fact, a miserable complaining full of negative feeling being absolutely not averse to spreading the non love.
So back to square one - double dare to practice what you preach.
Because the way you are right now, if the world were filled with people like you it would be far far nastier - not the utopia that an AF filled world would be. Because your actions are the opposite of what AF strongly suggests.
I’m surprised the nice people on here swallow all your self pitying guff instead of asking you to take responsibility and do what Actualism suggests.
It’s simple really - happy. harmless. appreciating the present moment.
Which again quite simply means, no unhappiness, no harmfulness, no complaining about the present moment.
And please dont reply on any of my posts, not because I dont like you - I feel a sadness about you and what youve been through when I think of you, but replying to trolls is tedious, feeding them makes them feel alive and very little of practical value you would come back with.