Good to see the original topic being engaged 
I basically agree with everything you said before the PS.
In regards to my use of āgenuineā, Iāll first draw attention to the post #15, especially the content between āRight after I messaged herā and āthese euphoric feelings!ā. Basically, upon realizing that intimacy to āherā meant ācaring and sharingā (her words[1]), I reached out to her again in two days writing a honest message about how I felt, with the intention of giving it a try again but this time deliberately being/ feeling/ behaving as caring and sharing as possible. Yet, at that time, as those sexual and euphoric feelings were swirling around, I couldnāt honestly deny (and it is sincerity in action) that whatever this ācaringā and āsharingā I could done, would surely be done for the ultimately purpose serving and prolongating those sexual and euphoric feelings as that is exactly āmyā motivation, in that moment, in being/ feeling/ behaving as such.
This is not a suggestion to repress affectional intimacy, of course. I am fully aware that the way forward is to experience and āgo throughā this intimacy with the total sincerity that comes from seeing the fact of its operation, which is but a fancy way[2] of saying imitate the PCE and with her in particular, looking at all objections on the way. And Iād of course begin with enjoying & appreciating however that affectional intimacy unfolds. If she had accepted my offer (or if/when Iām meeting someone new), this is what Iād have done, while firmly keeping in mind the exact affective āmechanismā of that caring & sharing I talked to her about (i.e., not fool myself about it).
PCE (and the affective imitation thereof) is the key, everything else (which I decline to grant one rodentās derriere about) is such a gas.
Syd
P.S. Your āmorbidly obese personā analogy mischaracterizes my focus as an attempt to āfurther oneās own success in that realmā ā¦ as if I am looking up to these personas for relationship or Actualism advice. My focus, when quotting them, was the clinical observation of a mechanism of affectional intimacy, not a search for mentors. Regarding your āit does seem like it would be contra-indicatedā: if a reader is upset by these seeing names that it diminishes their enjoyment and appreciation of being alive, then that is a āflashing red lightā they might want to look into and talk about in the open, no?
Timeline of our chat, for additional context
[Woman from Nov]: [..] I only sleep with people who genuinely care about me. [..] I see intimacy as something shared and I see no sharing or caring [..] So NO I donāt have sex when I donāt feel cared for.
[a week later]
[Syd]: Hey, just saw this today, since I basically stopped checking Telegram.
I totally understand what you are saying. Your message did not come across as rude at all. You are quite right that I didnāt actually care for you, because I was still obsessed with my own feelings (I was like a teenager lol). Take care.
You are an emotionally sound person, and I trust you will recover from your recent stressful experiences. Iām glad to have gotten to know you (at least what little I knew). Iāll say hi as usual if we bump into each other.
Thank you very much for our get togethers.[Woman from Nov]: deletes conversation for both
[2 days later]
[Syd]: Thinking about it all, I feel very saddened about having fucked up. You were perfect throughout (utterly considerate towards me), I was not.
Right about when you went on your weekend [elided], the old feelings resurfaced and I became scared once again and so sought a way to cowardly end it with the help of my friend.
Iām sorry I was not able to care and share, even though I wanted that with you. I was indeed self-centered.
I feel thereās a tension in the air between us (primarily because of that out of tune message). I may have hurt you more than I can understand. If thereās anyway I can help, let me know.
Iām not afraid anymore. Iād love to give it another try with you. And actually get to know you this time. Not be so focused on myself for once.
Not a day has gone by where I donāt think about you. Iād love the chance to make things right.
ā©ļø[Woman from Nov]: deletes conversation for both
PCE (and the affective imitation thereof) is the key, everything else (which I decline to grant one rodentās derriere about) is such a gas. ā©ļø