Thanks Vineeto.
I have actually been taking @Ian ’s advice deeply to heart and it has initiated a chapter of deep dismantling of a lot of habits of self-rejection and self-punishment, which I used to keep myself on the straight and narrow within society (I had a hard time keeping up and fitting in, so I molded myself to conform through self-hatred)
I will very much keep this pointer in mind. I noticed my mind trying to panic me last night and remembered that reality is not bad at all, quite the opposite, and the panic no longer had anything to grab onto and passed through