Indeed, as much as I would otherwise self-castigate (spelling?)
That spark is indeed alive in me.
I am not an actualist.
It’s one of my achievements to not (now) claim such a thing.
I am like the neighbour’s child who looks over the fence at a better life.
As much as it may seem sensible to call me all sorts of names, I call myself these names, isn’t it the original spark in action to look over the fence?
What if I could also be like that?
I don’t need pity.
Although long I desired it.
I need what they have.
Indeed, I have it, but didn’t know. The spark. That one part of ‘me’ that remembers what my purpose was.
Before the shit storm started, there was a quality of ‘self’ which whilst betrayed by itself and by everyone else, had the idea that “life was good, it was fun, it can only get better”
Interesting coincidence;
Whilst Richard became actually free in 1992, my entire generation was going in the exact opposite direction.
I particularly like this version because they sing “more than a feeling” over the chords which Kurt ripped off from the song Boston’s “More than a Feeling.”.
If there is something that I really appreciate as an artist; it’s the universe’s synchronistic convergence of timings and meaning.
One couldn’t make this up. I mean really;
Kurt playing the bastardised chords of “more than a feeling” whilst Richard actualises the actuality of what is beyond “more than a feeling”.
I may well die, earlier than most, as all my progenitors have done; but I am glad to have had at least this adventure.
I don’t own a gun, thankfully; fully appreciate Australian law and culture in this regard, but I am absolutely interested in putting two barrels of Richard’s advice in my face and pulling the trigger.
For context; my band and I smashed out as loud as this, so much so, that the neighbours were banging on the garage door.
I am sorta the ultimate troll really.
So almost genuine.
Richard is the last great father.
I fear the world which has to face a reality without him.
Nice. I’ve never seen that. Probably because Smells Like Teen Spirit is my least favorite Nirvana song. Bleach and In Utero were always my favorite albums. The really dirty stuff.
Cobain’s angst was the soundtrack of my youth. His rage deeply resonated with a depressed alienated 14 year old me. He was asking the same anguished question I was. “What is wrong with me?”
Richard is the only person on earth who has answered that question in an intelligent and honest way.
Had you tripped before this? Had you used this much before?
I had been tripping for a good couple of months before that, including amounts similar to that amount.
There was a overconfident attitude that had been building up, which I think was a factor in becoming so “unhinged”.
This reminds me of my own 30 min of lowest point in life when I was around 16 or 17…was in the planning phase of suicide collecting sleeping pills but fortunately it never materialised because mom checked in on me…
Come to think of it I remember that a physical suicide happens only because of one and only reason - realizing that there isn’t going to be a way out from some particular problem and instead of suffering it forever, better die
This was physical suicide but I guess the same principle should hold for psychological and psychic suicide - not finding a solution to a particular problem, thereby self-immolating…Yet to find that though…
RICHARD: As altruism is an instinctive impulse (and not a matter of will), and as it is a situation (and not wishfulness) which evokes that powerful instinct for group survival, then unless the fact that any action within the human condition is bound to fail is grasped with both hands, and taken on board to such an extent that it hits home deeply, the predominant impulse for individual survival, even though less powerful, will prevail.
Now, what works most effectively, to bring out and utilise the clannish instinct of group survival in yourself to overcome the predominant but less powerful impulse of selfism, is none other the very situation you find both yourself and others already in … to wit: suffering because of [quote] ‘this or that’
Had a really lovely few moments, which turned into a good mood.
I feel really nice right now. There are no shrooms in my system.
I went for dinner at a lovely new Japanese restaurant walking distance from my house.
On the way I was reflecting on some of the things I had been reading on the AFT.
I thought,“this guy is crazy.” It made me smile.
This is the best religion ever!
I should know, I’ve followed a few.
,
Did this in both these games; load up with minimal enemies, kill them, then just walk around in the virtual environment.
Haha Richard never ceases to amaze me, what hasn’t this guy done 
Can’t wrap my head around him playing unreal tournament and quake 3, how cool!
Can we have a thread for - ‘The weird and wonderful AFT quotes’ ? - I’m intrigued what else is out there now.
I always remember this post from Richard - so encouraging for a game developer like me who has to deal with game engines n stuff 
Oh, search “black and white site:www.actualfreedom.com.au”
I was obsessed with both games.
I built a house inspired by quake 3.
At work, we used to turn the lights of, and the entire drafting and scheduling departments would play quake 3.
I conquered the final level (unreal tournament) only by finding a hiding place on the space ship, ( jumping down onto one of the engine exhausts) and ambushing the final boss.
Unreal tournament was mind blowing. The graphics were “next level”. The ambiance.
It was possible to load in with maybe 1 enemy, maybe even none, and just walk around.
I did but didn’t really find anything that good, I did find the below
Respondent: The dark sucker hypothesis is another con job peddled by some jokester and you, Richard peddled it back here as though it was a serious scientific finding. Please do refer to the URL: http://remus.rutgers.ed…s/Jokes/Misc/darksucker
Richard: Oh dear … was it only a joke after all? Next you will be telling me that the following report is not genuine too. Vis.:
EURO-ENGLISH: The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the European Community – rather than German (the other possibility). Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5 year phase-in of new rules that would apply to the language and reclassify it as Euro-English. The agreed plan is as follows:
In the first year, the soft ‘c’ would be replaced by ‘s’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be replased by ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ is replased by ‘f’. This will reduse ‘fotograf’ by 20%.
In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ‘e’s in the language is disgrasful, and they should eliminat them.
By the forz year, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’ (saving mor keyboard spas).
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!
So, I was tempted to apologise for this flurry of posts.
I had been tripping, and yet again, psychedelics are so very interesting. I seem to be able to trip in a purely emotional way. That day, I spent 3 hours screaming into a pillow. So full of frustration and rage.
Shame is such a perplexing feeling.
It’s firstly, misconstrued. Embarrassment easily takes over, societal mores flood in an enforce self castigation.
But shame itself isn’t that at all.
Shame seems to me rather to be the emptiness in experiencing one’s fundamental powerlessness. The reaction to one’s helplessness is to feel oneself as worthless. To feel worthless is to fundamentally agree that one is expendable.
The challenge of shame is not in it’s socially acceptable cousins of embarrassment and guilt, which are easily remedied with repentance and apologies, but rather in the absence of any remedy that society prescribes.
There are no social remedies for shame.
To be ‘shame’ is to not socially exist at all; to be broken in such a way as to be such a mirror for the society which produces it will not only turn away, but discard and forget that it ever saw itself reflected in it. It’s beyond embarrassment and guilt. Which one can remedy.
Shame is the manifesting of ‘humanities’ most hienous crimes against the body to such an extent that the ‘self’ in the body subject to those crimes is charged with pretending that such crimes never happened at all.
‘shame’ is pretending that one is uniquely invisible, an abomination without remedy.
Hmm, none of that made much sense.
Edit; no, it sorta did reading it again.
